Marathon Training Thoughts + The Best Thing I Ate Today

Today’s Happy Note: Rain!  I love rain — my favorite type of weather by far.  It makes the air cool and grey and calm and lovely.

Marathon Training: So.  My alarm went off at 6:05 this morning.  I felt like a slab of concrete — there was no way my body was getting any further than the end of my bed to turn off my alarm.   I figured I could sleep another two hours and then do the 12 miles after work.  Got home from work and listened to my body, which wanted a snack and a nap.  I rarely genuinely feel like not running.  A lot of times I am just being lazy, but I really don’t think that was the case today.  I just could not move.  I ended up sleeping for another two hours and woke up still exhausted.  My body was telling me something.  I still wanted to move, just not run.  I headed to the gym in the late evening for an hour vinyasa yoga class and a half an hour of arm weights. It was exactly what I needed.

Do you get obsessive about exercising a certain way everyday — like if you don’t follow whatever is on the “plan”, something terrible will happen? I used to be like that but realized how unhealthy and restrictive it was.  Not to mention that it was just annoying and boring to feel like I had to do a certain thing for a certain amount of time on a certain day.  There is a fine line between following a training plan for a race (in my case, the NYC Marathon) and becoming obsessive about things.  It can be a little hard to figure out what works, but I think I am getting there by both listening to my body and making sure that I keep my training plan in mind.

Thoughts?

I have decided that, for my mental and physical sanity, I am going to take a macro-view of my marathon training plan, like Caitlin. I still fully intend on getting all of the runs I have planned for any given week done, I am just going to be flexible about it.  If I need to switch things around a bit, it is not the end of the world.  As long as I don’t end up with two long runs in a row I will be fine.

I do fully plan on attacking this baby tomorrow though!  Wish me luck — this will be the longest I have run since before I was in the hospital the first time.

Just realized none of my pictures from today uploaded.  Grrrr.  I am far too lazy (and tired) to do it again.  Which means this post is officially pictureless.

I will tell you about the best thing I ate today though.  Because I can do that.

Fage 2% yogurt (NEVER going back to the fat-free version again; low-fat Greek yogurt will change your life, if it hasn’t already) with a spoonful of honey, cantaloupe and a drizzle of Justin’s cinnamon peanut butter (I think it has been discontinued — this was an old packet).

I used to not use honey that often.  But I think it might be my favorite sweetner.  I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to kill me.

Fun Caronae fact: I am actually deathly allergic to bees/hornets/wasps/yellow jackets.  But I could eat honey all day long!  Other allergies: mollusks (NOT shrimp), nickel, and narcotics!

What are you allergic to?

Alright.  I’m going to sign off before this post gets any more random.

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Therapy Tuesday

Today’s Happy Note: It rained.  Hard.  And I didn’t have an umbrella.  And not one but TWO people loaned me umbrellas.  I do indeed have people who love me. 🙂

Got to go to bed early tonight so I can run in the morning!  I’m a tired girl right now — Tuesdays and Thursdays I work 9-9 so not much time for a workout.  Excited to run tomorrow AM though!

Therapy Tuesday

Therapy today was actually quite soothing.  I have struggled a lot lately with opening up and letting L into my world, but today I felt comfortable and contented exactly where I was at.  I felt like we sort of met each other in the middle; like I could be open to her because she was being open with me.  I also think I did a better job today of consciously soothing myself when I began to feel panicky.

I mentioned last week that I was going to compile all my therapy thoughts since January (all of which are documented on the blog) into one epic therapy saga and give it to L.  When I arrived, I decided that it would be helpful for both of us for me to read the entry from last week out loud.  I was a bit nervous since it feels so personal and a little painful, but I did it.  Afterwards, I asked her if she thought it was mean or unkindly or offensive.  She was quiet for a while, actually.  I don’t usually see her thinking like this — she tends to think very quickly most of the time.  She said that she didn’t feel a sense of meanness, but a lot of sadness for both of us.  For me, because clearly I have been in pain and have struggled to let her in; for her because she has not been helpful to me and has left me feeling tense and shaken lately.  For once, we were on the same plane, we were thinking and feeling the exact same things.  This felt wonderfully powerful for me.  It was a lovely connection, even if it did revolve around a sense of sadness.

I feel like it’s sort of hard to describe the rest of the session; like if I try to explain what we were talking about or how we were relating, I’ll just fuck it up.  Basically, we looked at what it means to share yourself in an emotionally intimate way with someone; what it might mean to heal or to help someone else heal.  It was a very back and forth thing; I think she opened up to me in a new way today as I opened up to her as well.  I have felt a lot of curiosity about her lately and told her this.  I asked her a little bit about herself and it was not just interesting for me to hear her responses, but also helpful, I think, for me to know a little bit about what she has been through.  I like to know what “real adult” lives are like sometimes.   I know she has had her fair share of struggles and this,  somehow, gives me a newfound confidence in our relationship: it is easier to know that her life has not been perfect.  All of this is very vague, but that was sort of the tone of our conversation.  Vague, yet comfortably intimate.

I talked a lot about how I perceive her and what she seems like to me.  I definitely mentioned how much I feel like a loser who sucks at therapy and doesn’t deserve to get better.  She calmed me down here and praised me for my openness, honesty, and consistency in therapy.  I felt really just…nice…when she told me this.  It was nice to hear her tell me that she knows I am very dedicated to therapy and to learning about myself.  We all want to be liked and praised sometimes.  And to be honest, I am starting to feel like maybe I am learning new things about myself and about how I relate to others.  I tend to have pretty low self-confidence, and feeling like I am bad at therapy has destroyed what little belief in myself I have had.  So starting to feel like I am doing well at therapy again — like it is meaningful and I am lovable — is quite significant.

I know this is all really unclear.  Our conversation today was not the most concrete.  But I think the important thing to take away is that I feel soothed and calmer and happier, which is such a blessing for me right now.  Leaving therapy feeling tense and angry the past few weeks has been tremendously painful for me, and I am glad that this has turned around, even if it is not necessarily clear what direction we are headed on.

I am excited to get to know myself better through getting to know L better. Does that make sense?  When I ask her questions and learn about her intimate life, even if only a little bit, I learn about my vulnerabilities and tender parts.

Hope you are all having a wonderful week!  I’m off to bed, goodnight friends.

Yogunancing and Stuffed Quesadillas

Today’s Happy Note: Running in the rain!  Dancing in the rain!  Thinking in the rain!

I had an awesome yogunancing workout today.  Yogunancing=yoga, running, dancing.  It ended up being an epic 6 hour adventure because I kept getting caught in the rain and waiting and then having to take the train and then waiting some more.  It was quite fun actually.  The adventure included a 90-minute vinyasa yoga class followed by a 9-ish mile run and a 30-minute dance/gymnastics sesh in the park.  I actually just remembered during my run/dance sesh that, two summers ago, I did adult gymnastics classes at Chelsea Piers. I am signing up again!  FYI to new readers (feel free to say hi!): I was a gymnast from when I was 4 until I was 14.  I sometimes miss it.  Tumbling is pure joy.  I’m starting this week and I’ll let you know how the classes go!  I need to find an outfit first though…

Other than that adventure, my day involved some food experimentation, some Real Housewives watching (why why why are they so mean to each other), reading, writing, and, currently, some Nat Geo Great White Shark show viewing.

Breakfast fail:

It actually was not a taste failure.  But please note that these were supposed to be pancakes.  Ummm, yeah.  That didn’t happen.  But it’s entirely my fault because I just threw tons of stuff into a bowl and hoped they would magically turn into pancakes.  The taste was spot on though!  Berries, flax meal, blueberry yogurt, pb.  So I would call them yummy piles of mush rather than pancakes.  But at least I tried!  It is Pancake Sunday after all.

Frozen mango chunks. They never fail me.  Unlike pancakes (see above).

Okay.  Dinner.  This was one of the easiest, yummiest dinners I’ve ever had.  Ten minutes from fridge to plate and bursting with nutrition and flavor.  I used  a TJ’s habanero lime tortilla (after seeing them at Gabriela’s blog!) to make a quesadilla of sorts.  I stuffed it with a serving of low fat refried pinto beans, gouda cheese, and TJ’s cilantro jalapeno hummus.  I can see myself eating this dinner every day for like…all of summer.

I slathered some guacamole on top and had carrots, cucumbers, red pepper, and pineapple on the side.  So gooey.  So warm.  So many flavors — spicy, dense, creamy, cheesy.

Eat this combo.  Now.

I had to follow it up with something else that felt tropical-ish.  Which meant coconut.

Round one: warm brownie topped with WF coconut dark chocolate, snowy shredded coconut, and a few chocolate-covered pretzels.

Round two: mixed a tbsp of crunchy pb, a few tbsps shredded coconut, and a splash of soy milk.  This made a delicious dip for more chocolate covered pretzels!

This was an awesome dessert dip.

It’s been such a busy weekend!  Time for me to wind down for the work week.  Lots to do tomorrow and all week, really.  Stay tuned for recaps of my gymnastics classes and a super awesome Adventure next Saturday!

What are you up to this week?