Day 2: Adjusting

Today’s Happy Note: I had an interesting class this evening!  Score.  So far I have felt mostly sleepy and bored in school, but I think it’s just my body/mind transitioning back into student mode.  The one this evening was called Narrative and Human Rights.  Cool, no?

I only had two classes today.  I have three, normally, but Iyengar Yoga doesn’t start until next week.  I’m pretty excited about it!  Confession: I feel asleep about eight times in my seminar this morning.  It’s the same slightly crazy prof I wrote about yesterday.  I have the pleasure of having him for two classes.  Happy happy joy joy.  He seems interesting though, and most definitely knowledgeable.  The problem is that he is so knowledgeable that he spends the entire class talking about the background to the background of the history of the material he’s teaching.  That doesn’t even make sense but I swear that’s what he does.

Harumph.

Marathon Training: Wednesday’s are usually an “easy” day on my plan.  Today consisted of four sloooooowwwww miles with 6×100 meter strides in the last mile.  I took advantage of my very open day to squeeze in 40 minutes of weights at the gym too (arms/abs).  I always forget how much I walk during school days.  I probably did about 3 miles walking today as well.

Eats:

Gloppy-looking 1/3 cup of oats with a fresh peach and an invisible scoop of sunbutter (~2 tablespoons).

Snacky day (also had another spoonful pb).

Lunch!  Don’t let this innocent looking smoothie fool you; it has four servings of produce!  Frozen berries, half a banana, spinach, and cucumber slices (plus almond milk and vanilla protein powder).  I really liked it, but it needed ice.  This is one of the great dilemmas of my life: my mini fridge freezer is too small for an ice tray. I need ice in my life.  I crave it — I chew on it (I know it’s a terrible habit) and think it makes smoothies infinitely better.  I can easily go through a whole tray in one smoothie.

So now my life (and my smoothies) are iceless.  I don’t know what to do.  Help!  Anyone have any ice-making solutions?

I did indeed bring my own nut butter to The Lite Choice (in my defense, I only had the AB in my bag because I was on my way back from WF).

Stir fry leftovers (shrimp, rainbow chard, yellow squash, broccoli,  yellow pepper, coconut, peanut dressing) with brown rice for dinners.  Just had some hot cocoa to end the day, with a little dark chocolate melted in (my favorite way to eat it).

I feel like this is a good, healthy intake for a day of moderate exercise.  I can never tell if I am eating too little, enough, or enough. Eating is a funny thing because every body is different. I am proud of myself, though, for trying to figure out what works for me.  I feel pretty good right now, like I had enough but not too much.  I don’t want to fall into the comparison trap, so I try to think of my eating only in terms of myself — also, I need to remember that most of my friends and peers are not training for a marathon and running 40-50 miles a week right now.  So when I’m with friends and they don’t snack after dinner (or after lunch, or after breakfast, or after snack, or…), I need to not freak out and think I’m being weird or overeating.  I just need to remember to listen to my body.  It gets easier everyday that I do it. 🙂

I hope you all had splendid, happy Wednesdays!

FYI, L has been on vacation so I’ll be at therapy on Friday this week.  Thereafter I *think* I’ll be switching to Thursdays for the rest of the semester.

Goodnight friends!

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In A Day’s Eats

Today’s Happy Note: I was feeling a lot of anxiety last night and sent my therapist a rant email and she sent me back a very soothing message.  She really is a major comfort.  It’s pretty sweet that she is there for me even on the weekend.

Thank you everyone for your kind, insightful comments yesterday. One thing that a lot of people pointed out was that I am still me, regardless of my size.  Additionally, most people on the beach are not looking at me at all!  They have better things to do than pay attention to the minutiae of my body. And in fact I have better things to do than pay attention to the minutiae of my body!

I feel like I have been lazy today.  The weird thing is that I can’t decide if this is actually true.  I mean, I did stuff, I just feel like it wasn’t enough stuff. I feel like Sundays should be devoted to getting-things-done.  I didn’t even workout (although I did walk maybe two or so miles).  Meh.  I guess maybe some Sundays are meant for total relaxation, perhaps?  What do you prefer — crazy busy Sundays that prepare you for the week ahead or lazy Sundays?

I did manage to pick myself up off the couch for a quick Adventure to the farmer’s market and the Cathedral. Fresh local peaches from the farmer’s market in summer are truly heavenly.  They might be my favorite food, ever.  I can’t even eat store bought ones anymore.  Other finds: crunchy cucumbers, rainbow chard, pea shoots, and mixed lettuces.

Started the day with a giant, real NY bagel (seven grain) with walnut raisin cream cheese (which, by the way, is cream cheese perfection).   I feel like bagels are a traditional NY Sunday brunch, so how could I say no?  I went with the family.  I am not a big bread person, but I really like a good bagel once a week or so.  And the cream cheese is wonderful because it’s so full of fat and keeps me full for hours.  I had this around eleven and didn’t even begin to think about eating again until after four.

My late afternoon snack was a SIAB made with vanilla soy milk, a splash of kefir, vanilla hemp/whey protein powder, lots of ice, frozen blueberries and frozen cherries.  Toppings: kashi heart to  heart cereal and Justin’s maple almond butter.

I also had a tiny bowl of cereal afterwards to satisfy my  giant cereal craving.

At some point between this and dinner I had a tiny handful of nuts and a piece of chocolate.

Dinner=meat. Dear meat, I love you.  I will never, ever leave you.

This is a multigrain wrap stuffed with home made meatballs (from farmer’s market ground beef), jarlsberg cheese, and baked yellow squash.  I made my meatballs with EVOO, salt, lemon pepper, garlic, and dried basil.  I had lots of cukes and carrots on the side.

At this point in my life, I know that eating meat (of all varieties — red, poultry, seafood) is the right choice for me.  I physically feel so much better with it in my life.  I have more energy, stay fuller longer, and I feel healthier on the inside too.  I try to eat red meat once or twice a week, along with a few servings of fish/chicken/turkey/shrimp, etc.  I know that some people may have trouble digesting meat or they just don’t like it or it does not work for them in some way, and I absolutely respect that.  But I crave and need protein.  And not just any protein: meat protein. And if I have learned anything about my relationship with food in the last few years, it’s that denying what my body wants is asking for trouble.

Phew, glad I got that out.  After dinner I had two spoonfuls of Maranatha dark chocolate peanut spread before making my real dessert.

Coconut peanut butter protein ice cream!  Topped with dark chocolate.

So pillowy.  I also had a Godiva dark chocolate truffle.

I won’t continue posting all my meals for long. It’s just something that I think I need to do for myself for a few days. I am getting used to “closing the kitchen” after a small-ish dessert, and not mindlessly munching my way through the evening.  I am hoping this will become a habit!  There are so many other things I like to do in the evening instead, especially reading.  There is never enough time for all the books I want to read, sadly.

I am a little nervous about working again full time this week.  I have lots to do, but hopefully I will give myself a break if need be.  I also need to make sure I get enough sleep.  Goodnight friends!

My Name Is Caronae And I Like To Eat

Today’s Happy Note: World Cup watching with friends!  Also, I got to see the room I am going to be living in come September and it is nice and relatively spacious (for a dormitory).

Workout: Five and a quarter mile HOT run followed by a 90 minute vinyasa class at Yoga Shala. Sometimes I feel really stressed out and can’t get into a run; usually this comes down to having pre-planned my mileage and route.  I have found that if I let myself go for however long I want, however far I want, and in whatever direction I want, I feel much better.  I always felt that if I let myself run the way I actually wanted to, I wouldn’t go far enough or burn enough calories.  But that isn’t the case at all!  Being happy and calm during a run is definitely worth sacrificing a mile or two.  And you know what?  When I’m happy, I usually end up running further anyways.  It’s kind of a win-win situation.

Onto other things.  More edible things…

Hi.  My name is Caronae.  And I like food. Tasty food only, of course.  Non-tasty foods need not apply.

Protein ice cream = always tasty.

I’ve never met a blueberry-banana smoothie that I didn’t love.

And egg, cheddar, and greens sammies never fail to produce many, many noms.

My camera died just before dinner but it was so delectable I just might die if I don’t describe it: mahi-mahi burger (from WF) topped with a “salsa” made from basil, pineapple, and cucumber.  Served with a side of leftover pasta salad.  This is pretty much the definition of summer dining.

I am slowly coming to the realization that it’s okay to like food.  I’m writing a little memoir/vignette for a writing exchange with Sarah and it is about food.  At first I was infuriated at myself for choosing a food-related memory.  Our topic was simply “Summer.”  Why couldn’t I write about playing on the playground or swimming at the beach or going on canoe trips with my dad?  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that food is a healthy part of both our emotional and physical lives.  It sustains and nourishes us, but it also makes us happy and helps us connect with others. In the memory I chose, food (specifically a miniature pie — sorry for the spoiler Sarah!) helps me connect to my sister and clarifies my love for her.  The food, as a child, helped to outline the ways in which we related.

I often stare at thin women who seem to be eating large meals or, well, pretty much anything other than salads.  I envy them and think, “how do they eat so carelessly?”  But I have been able to reframe that question as of late and have begun to wonder “why don’t I just let myself enjoy food more?”  Sometimes I might want to eat a big dessert at a restaurant, or have a slice of pizza after a night of partying (okay, so that only happens like twice a year or so, but I needed an illustrative example).  Sometimes I am so focused on eating — eating X amount of fruits and veggies or forcing myself to eat a meal at a certain time or restraining myself from overeating — that I forget about the actual food!

It’s just food!  And damn it, sometimes it is meant to be enjoyed.  Those women I see eating “without abandon” are not necessarily voracious bingers who have endless problems in their relationship with food.  They might just be enjoying a nice meal.  So I am making a new goal for myself: really think about what I am eating.  Make more consciously enjoyable choices.  Maybe having a big dinner out is okay.  I am sure that it has become clear I struggle with balancing my eating.  Too much/not enough/too healthy/too unhealthy.  But I think that part of the answer to this little dilemma lies in simply enjoying the food that I am eating at the moment I am eating it.

So tonight, as I was eating my fish and my pasta salad, I decided that I wanted a glass of almond milk on the side.  Normally, this sort of extravagance would not be allowed.  But is a small glass of milk ever going to kill me?  Am I so concerned about getting fat that I can’t eat what I want sometimes?  I don’t want to live like that.  In the past week or so, there were a few days when I ate my afternoon snack at 3:00, instead of between 4:00 and 5:00 which is when it is normally “allowed.”  This is obviously ridiculous.

So.  Hello!  My name is Caronae.  And I like my food.  Sometimes I eat it purely out of hunger.  Other times it is a social thing.  Other times, it fulfills a want.  And this is okay.  It is hard for me  to accept this new way of eating, but I am going to try!

This week is looking to be busy.  Lots of work stuff.  Hopefully some nice changes in therapy.  A personal training appointment.  Events with friends!

What is on your plate (forgive my pun) this week?  Anything exciting?

Life Lessons: All In A Day’s Eats

Today’s Happy Note: Wearing my new professional pants to work today!  Made me feel nice and grown up.

Exercise: ~5 miles run and 10 minutes abs.  I also walk about a mile each way to work most days.  I hat hate hate humidity but am bad at getting up with enough time to run 5-6 miles before work.  I waited and ran at 7 this evening and it wasn’t too terrible, but I know at 7 am it would be cooler.  Also, I like coming home from work (between the two jobs, this is anywhere from 6-9) and relaxing and working on my “projects.”  If you’re a busy worker bee, when do you fit in workouts?

Things I learned today!  Seriously, food teaches important lessons…

I will never tire of frozen berries.  Nor will I ever tire of Maranatha almond butter (or any nut butter for that matter).  Other things I will never tire of: fresh flowers, lime green and turquoise, dancing around like a crazy person.

Life lesson numero uno: sometimes you absolutely need a crunchy peanut butter sandwich with a side of carrots for lunch.  It makes everything better, I promise.  Seriously though.  Sometimes it’s okay to stick with what you know.  There are some things in life that never fail!  Other things that never fail: my parents (at being weird), my eyebrows (at growing rabidly), and my ability to spend money at Whole Foods.

Dried hibiscus and Pb&A.  I like snacktime.  Snacktime is a happy time.  It breaks up the afternoon, especially when I’m doing data entry.  Other ways of breaking up a little afternoon work monotony: drinking lots of water, singing songs to yourself in your head while typing away, lots of stretch breaks (my shoulders get so tight while sitting for long stretches), munching on dried hibiscus!

Life lesson numero dos: yogurt does NOT sit well in the tummy before a run.  Makes me feel sluggish, bloated and a little nauseous.  Won’t be making that mistake again.  Other mistakes not to make again: saying yes to dates with weirdos out of desperation, buying chunky tomato sauce (uber disgusting), and failing to water my herbs (to the point of death).

If having smoothies for dinner every night and dipping cucumber slices in said smoothies is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.  Things I would like to be right about: my choice in major, the fact that Toddlers and Tiaras is whack, brownies being good for you.

I want to eat a brownie every night.  For the rest of my life.

Caronae’s Shelf!

On the top: Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth (continued from last week),  Kiran Desai’s The Inheritance of Loss, Erica Jong Seducing The Demon: Writing For My Life, Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States, and Alice Walker In Search of Our Mother’s Gardens.

I’ve already started the last two. I like being in the middle of a lot of books at once.  That way I can always find something I’m in the mood for.  On your shelf this week?  Do tell!

Goodnight dearies!  Weekend plans coming up?  Also do tell.