Protein+Fat=Happy Caronae

Today’s Happy Note: Crossing things off my to do list. ¬†I still have a lot to get done before this insane weekend, but I’m getting there. ūüôā

PS — Does anyone else add things to their to-do list that you have already done, just so you can experience the joy of crossing it out?

Marathon Training: Yesterday I did four and a half miles, with an easy mile and a half warm-up, 4x (400 fast/400 easy), and a mile cool down. ¬†It wasn’t terrible, but I just felt weak. ¬†Today, even more so. I feel lightheaded,blurry vision, etc. No idea what is going on, but I’ll be sure to monitor things and be careful.

I had my super easy yoga class today. We literally sat on chairs half the time and stretched. ¬†I’m taking it very easy this week, so this was perfectly acceptable.

I never told you about my endocrine visit on Monday! The doctor was extremely nice and extremely knowledgeable. ¬†She also seemed obscenely young (early thirties?) for a faculty practitioner (meaning she is a professor) which made me a bit nervous. ¬†She was very thorough. ¬†We talked about everything — diet, exercise, hormones, habits, genetics, blood sugar, endocrine/metabolic systems. ¬†She is running a really broad panel of tests to see if there is something significantly wrong. ¬†If nothing is found, then the “answer” is simply going to be that I have a little bit of a weird metabolic/hormonal system.

I am not freaking out as much as I was before though because of two things:

1. She basically told me that my weight “problem” actually isn’t a problem. ¬†Because of my healthy diet and exercise choices, being a few pounds over the recommended weight for my height isn’t a big deal. ¬†She was actually really soothing/comforting in this regard.

2. I have been making a conscious effort to eat more fat and protein lately and have lost seven pounds.  My period just ended, so some of this might be hormonal/water weight.  But still, seven pounds is a good chunk of my overall body weight.  I am hoping that continuing this eating pattern will help me lose a few more pounds.  But if not, I am not going to freak out.

I promise. ūüôā

So what have I been eating of late?

One carb I REFUSE to get rid of is oats (above: 1/4 C with 1/2 serving vanilla protein powder, 1 C vanilla soymilk, chopped apple, and walnuts). ¬†Other than that, I am not eating too many grains. ¬†And I am not giving up carbs entirely either. ¬†I kind of love them. ūüėČ ¬†I’m just making sure to reduce them and then pair them with more fat and protein.

One trap I have fallen into in the past is eating more protein without reducing carbs. ¬†That just results in more overall calories, which isn’t going to help anybody. ¬†Unless you are trying to gain weight, obviously.

Other eats:

Squash “pizza.” ¬†In reality this was actually a squash bowl stuffed with veggies, ground beef, and cheese. ¬†I cut it into little slices and ate it like a pizza though, which made it 10x more fun.

Really random lunch with two mini corn tortillas (which aren’t that good; I wanted wraps and thought these would be good since they were smaller, but they are dry), almond butter, carrots, and a protein cake (a la April) made with peanut flour and cocoa powder with PB.

Dinner was full of fat, veggies, and protein.   Exactly how I like it!  I used a base of pumpkin puree, topped that with ground beef/mushrooms/carrots and brussel sprouts/broccoli cooked in EVOO.  Enough to feed one small army OR one hungry Caronae.

I have heard a lot of different research about diets higher in proteins/fats. ¬†Some of what I have seen has indicated that a diet high in protein/fat, even of the saturated variety (think whole milk, meat, butter) is not harmful. ¬†I tend to agree with this with the caveat that people have very different metabolic/digestive systems with very different needs (I talked about my wants and needs with ¬†my diet in Monday’s post). ¬†I think that it isn’t animal fat or protein that’s killing us/making us obese, but processed crap full of chemicals, like candy bars and pop and snack foods.

I think that there is evidence on both sides of the spectrum, at the moment.  In my opinion, this just furthers my conclusion that different people are suited to different diets.

On the horizon the next few days: CRAZY INSANELY BUSY Caronae.  I promise to post before the marathon though.  Is anyone interested in tracking me/coming out to cheer and wants to know my number?

If so, email me!  I know a few bloggies have already mentioned that they would like to know, but I have lost track.  So please leave a comment/email me and I will let you know.

T-4 days!  Ahhhhhh!!!!!

Medical Stuff, Part II, Or “A Slightly Happier Post”

Today’s Happy Note: Perfect fall temperatures! ¬†I’m in love. ¬†The air is warm but also crisp, snappy but gentle.

Marathon Training: We had our first actual “class” of yoga today (I am taking Iyengar Yoga as a P.E. class). ¬†We did not do much at all — it is very, very basic. ¬†We spent the whole hour practicing standing with our feet spread apart and then doing Warrior II, Triangle, and Extended Side Angle. ¬†We finished with some easy bridges. ¬†I wouldn’t call it a workout, but it was a decent stretch that got my hips opening up. ¬†I did about 15 more minutes of stretching and abs afterwards, followed by an easy four mile run.

I didn’t feel awful on the run, but my left hip and hamstring were hurting. ¬†Again. ¬†I really don’t know what to do since it is so inconsistent. ¬†I think that stretching it out a lot helps a bit. ¬†I am praying that it is not present tomorrow for my hill run — running up hills with a hip/hamstring issue is especially hard. ¬†I was supposed to do 6×100 strides at the end of today’s run but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. ¬†I made a lame attempt at doing two of them before realizing that my body just was not having any sort of speediness. ¬†It was probably the slowest run I have done in a long time; maybe 12-ish minute miles? ¬†The funny thing about this is that I didn’t judge myself for it. ¬†I just acknowledged that I was tired, my body/mind were a little off-kilter, and I was slowly but steadily ambling along. ¬†Just like that, I didn’t care. ¬†I’m proud of myself for that!

In other running-related news: I am ravenous. I am trying really hard to photograph everything because it is VERY useful for me to mentally keep track.  I did well today minus several handfuls (about two servings) of TJs cat cookies, aka animal crackers for grown-ups.

I made an awesome fall feast for dinner!

We have half of a steamed delicata squash smothered in cinnamon, a pile of baked tofu (coated in TJ’s peanut vinaigrette, maple syrup, and ginger) and roasted carrots and okra (coated in EVOO, salt, and pepper). ¬†This is pretty much fall seasonal eating perfection. It was a pretty tasty (and easy!) meal. ¬†Yum.

Medical Stuff, Part II

So.  Yesterday I talked about science and medicine and my body and how the intersections thereof can be a little bit inexplicable.  Read that here. Thank you for all of your kind comments/emails!  It is heartening to know I am not the only person in the world who has these subtle-but-also-overwhelming problems.

Today I kind of want to look at the issue(s) from a psychological/mental health standpoint.

I have always equated being overweight with moral failure.  I never accepted the fact that, for some individuals, there might be other factors at play.  Until it happened to me.

Here I am, 10-15 pounds too heavy. ¬†For me, losing a pound is an uphill battle. ¬†Fought with medieval instruments. ¬†While blindfolded. ¬†And standing on my head. ¬†Okay, you get the picture — it is harder than it should be. ¬†Once my body acquires a pound, that pound is not going to leave without a serious fight. Usually, I just end up psychically wounded and the pound(s) stay(s).

I am so tremendously tired of this. ¬†But here’s the thing: I accept that there are processes happening in my body right now that are beyond my control. Even if there were factors totally within my control (for example, if I were doing serious emotional eating — I’m not, but you get the point), it doesn’t matter: the point is that this emotional battle with my body, at this moment in time, needs to end.

I think that within a few months, possibly after I get things sorted out with endocrinology and gynecology, or after the marathon, my body just might settle back into its natural happy weight on its own (for me this happens to be between 145-155 pounds; I have a medium-sized frame and a fair amount of muscle).

The most important thing for me, in this moment, has nothing to do with science or medicine or numbers of pounds or calories. ¬†It has to do with stopping the judgement and the self-hatred. ¬†Being overweight (ever so slightly) is not a moral failure for me, or for anyone else. ¬†I believe that different people actually have different sizes at which they are healthy. ¬†For me, this size happens to be at the upper end of “normal.” ¬†For some, this might be a bit above “normal.” L was telling me last week how the BMI scale isn’t necessarily considered perfectly accurate or all-encompasing anymore anyways. ¬†I would venture to guess that I am more healthy than a woman who eats mostly processed foods and sits on the couch all day but is at a “normal” weight. ¬†I run ultramarathons, for¬†Christ’s¬†sake.

Kate wrote a lovely post today that really resonated with me, about disordered eating and body-consciousness. ¬†Unfortunately, for many women, these are all-consuming things. ¬†That has certainly been the case for me. ¬†I am not sure I understand why. ¬†Do I think that I will be a more perfect woman if I weigh 145 pounds versus 165 pounds? ¬†Will I become more caring, compassionate, creative, prolific, loving? ¬†I would hazard to guess that the answer is an emphatic “no.” ¬†I am Caronae, no matter what I weigh. ¬†I have an essence beyond my body. ¬†Kate said the following, in describing the hatred, the disordered eating, the obsession that happens to so many women in our society:

“If you don’t understand, it can’t be explained to you.”

So perfect. ¬†So true. ¬†It’s like a club — a club that, sadly, most women are members of.

That was so hard for me to say. ¬†That there is something about me that has nothing to do with my body. ¬†Think about all the things I could be accomplishing if all my physical concerns went away. ¬†I’m going to say it again.

There is something about me, something uniquely Caronae-ish, that has nothing to do with my body, whatever my weight may be. I accept the chaos that is happening inside and outside of me right now. ¬†I accept the stress, the confusing medication regimen, the grueling running schedule, my way of eating, my fucked-up homrones. ¬†I accept all of that. ¬†I accept it because I know that I am something more than that. I might not be exactly sure what this “essence of Caronae” is, but I know, in my heart that it exists. ¬†That she exists.

Mysterious Caronae

Today’s Happy Note: Just got back from Sunday night candlelit yoga. ¬†It’s so romantic and relaxing. ¬†Love it!

Hello hello!  I hope you all had a most wonderful weekend.  I sure did.  What were you all up to?

I went out again last night! ¬†I am really loving my social life right now. ¬†Relationships and connections with people are so healthy for my mind and body and soul. ¬†Friends make the world go round! ¬†I am not and never will be a social butterfly, but I do open up to people eventually when I feel close to them; it’s such a wonderful feeling for me when I start to really share myself with someone.

Marathon Training: Easy four miles yesterday followed by an hour yoga class.  Today was supposed to be a long run, but I was up way too late last night (bad Caronae!) and failed on getting up early.  When I did get up it was way too hot. Runner fail.

Tomorrow morning I’ll do it though, I swear! ¬†It’s only 10 miles so I can definitely get that in before work. Sometimes I actually find it easier to do a long run on a weekday, oddly enough. ¬†I hit up the yoga this evening and did some abs as well.

Weekend eats highlight reel:

I really love my oats to be a bit soupy!

This was dinner.  Giant pile of carrots and cucumbers and a banana-chocolate milk-cinnamon smoothie with roasted nuts.  This was perfect.  I love eating weird dinners.  Good thing I live alone, otherwise I am pretty sure there would be some serious judging going on.  Especially after I did this:

Yes, that is indeed chocolate smoothie with a carrot and a pecan. ¬†Don’t knock it till you try it.

Coming up for the rest of the week:

Therapy Tuesday (maybe — not sure if I’ll talk about it this week or not)

I may or may not reveal what I have been up to and why I have been a bit mysterious lately

School talk (blech!)

Fall plans

Lots of marathon training reports

One year since moving back to NYC check-in! (I moved here in fall 2007 and left from March 2009-August 2009)

Okay, so maybe some of these things are not the most exciting. ¬†Or are really, really vague. ¬†But (a) I’m a woman and (b) it’s my blog, so I can be vague if I want to be!

That’s all I have for tonight my loves.

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