Reteaching Wonder

Today’s Happy Note: Spending a wonderful weekend with USB!  He loves to talk/cuddle/eat/have adventures/walk…pretty much all the same things I like to do!  It is nice to have someone who wants to have adventures with me.  We still do lots of things by ourselves though — yesterday I went to a map-making class while he did an introductory yoga workshop!  It’s a wonderful balance.  I have been hesitant to say this, because I am afraid of somehow jinxing it, but I’ll just go ahead and say it anyways, because it’s true: USB is, plain and simple, the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in years. I even have a picture today.  Look!

Okay, so referring to that as a picture of him might be a bit of a stretch, but take what you can get!  I don’t have a lot of pictures and wouldn’t really feel comfortable having him on the blog, at this point.  But he does have nice hands, right?

Thanks for your sweet comments about it yesterday.  I feel silly talking about him sometimes, but it’s a good silly. I’m completely smitten and it has all happened so suddenly.  Each moment with him is a new lesson in blessings and gratefulness.  He has retaught me how to wonder. I was a hopeless romantic before, and now, well, I’m downright sappy.  So I apologize for my sappiness.  You’re just going to have to deal with it for a while. 😉

In the above picture, we are eating delicious wraps from this Noodle Shop. We got one of the tofu and one of the duck, and each had half of each.  They were really tasty!  They are definitely snack-sized and not meal-sized though.  Or maybe that’s just my marathoner’s perspective.

I squeezed in a long run today, between studying, cleaning, and cuddling.  I did about 12.4 miles in 2:10-ish. Somewhere thereabouts.  I think I was probably around a 10:30/mile pace overall.  Didn’t feel great, didn’t feel terrible.  For parts of it, my legs felt powerful and strong; at other times, they felt sluggish and sloooow as molasses. Sometimes within minutes of each other.  Weird, no?

It was my last long run before the marathon, so I’ll take it.  My body was happy for the shorter run, and is happy about the lower mileage in the next two weeks.  Less than two weeks from today I will be an official marathoner!  I even got my number in the registration pdf today!  I am number 40920.  Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Other eats today weren’t too exciting, but did include this very necessary froyo monstrosity:

It’s a mixture of pinkberry original and pumpkin flavors, with my own toppings (seriously, always bring your froyo home and do your own toppings — so much cheaper!).  And yes, pinkberry now has pumpkin flavor.  It isn’t very strong at all and I kind of like it!  I added chunky pb, a part of a crumbled chocolate chip pumpkin cookie, and more chocolate chips.

I’m not sure if you noticed, but I have been *sort of* making an effort to eat less carbs.  The key words here are *sort of*.  I  would estimate that I’m eating about 20% less carbs than I was a few weeks ago, in the heart of marathon training.  I have always liked my carbs, but I have never been obsessed with them.  I don’t love bread.  I actively dislike rice.  I like quinoa but am usually too lazy to cook it.  I also like whole wheat pasta but again, it takes a long time to cook, and it is more of a treat for me.  I have been consuming more sweet potatoes and squash (they’re in season, so it’s easy), about the same amounts of veggies, a little less fruit, and less sugary carbs.

I have made the switch to totally plain yogurt.  I have also started actively buying more proteins and fats lately. Here’s whats in my fridge/cupboard at the moment:

Protein — natural honey maple turkey, TJs grilled chicken, Fage 2%  greek yogurt, eggs, Amy’s spicy vegan chilibeans (refried pinto and plain), natural tuna, and half a block of tofu.

Fats — avocados, TJs guacamole hummus (it’s alright — but not better than either hummus or guac on their own), an assortment of nuts (cashews, almonds, walnuts), peanut butter, earth balance vegan butter, Fage 2% greek yogurt (does double duty!), TJs goddess salad dressing, olive oil.

I think that variety in protein and fat sources is key.  I make an effort to do different combinations and flavors and textures.

I am not doing this as part of some silly diet or fad weight-loss craze.  You guys know I wouldn’t do that!  Rather, one of the most widely accepted treatments for PCOS is a lower-carb diet.  For many PCOS patients, it is the only way to manage their weight. I don’t event know if I have PCOS or a different disorder, but I have, in the past, experienced success with a lower-carb diet overall (I am using “diet” in the general sense of what I eat here, not to refer to any type of restriction).

So it’s just something I am trying.  It is easier now that I’m running less.  I am seeing an endocrinologist next week, and will start dietary/medication experiments the following week (after the marathon is over).  It is going to be an interesting journey, to say the least.

Favorite protein?  Favorite fat?

Best part of your weekend?

Are you sappy and romantic or serious and collected?

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Adventures In Carb Lovin’ And Clean Eats

Today’s Happy Note: Got my blood work back and everything is roughly normal!  My iron and blood cell levels are all a bit low but that is to be expected at this point.  Nothing that requires hospitalization=a good thing.  I kept having nightmares last night that I had to go in and get a blood transfusion.

They are still doing tests to figure out what I actually have.  Probably some sort of creepy bacteria.  Yuck yuck yuck.

But wait.  There is more good news.  I can now eat things besides bread and plain noodles!

Exhibit A:

That, my friends, is melted dark chocolate.  Which may or may not have been on the list of approved foods.  But screw it.

Exhibit B:

Scone.  It had a weird texture (a bit dry) but a great flavor.  Tomorrow, I might venture into muffin territory.

Exhibit C:

This is pasta with a little EVOO and a lotta salt.  An inappropriate amount of salt.  And basil.  I’m supposed to be consuming salt like it’s my job, don’t hate.

Other things on the safe food list: bagels, toast, gatorade, vitamin water, dry cereal, and rice.  I can’t actually remember the last time I had a vegetable, which is scary.  I have been eating little bits of frozen fruit here and there.

I want meat.  Bad.  I want some ribs and some fish and some chicken.  And eggs.  And meatballs.  And cheese.  And hummus and sandwiches and peanut butter and waffles and tofu.  And protein ice cream and smoothies.  Not all at once though.  That would be weird.

I actually have no interest in dairy right now.  To be honest, I am a little grossed out by the idea of it.  I know it is hard to digest and supposedly mucus-producing; normally I don’t have a problem with 1-2 servings a day, but I think I’m going to skip out on it for a little while.  I read that sometimes even after a bad GI issue like this clears up, people can’t eat dairy products.

I have felt simultaneously very alienated from and intimate with my body these past few days.  A strange feeling.  I trust in my body and love it’s ability to recover but it is scary to think how sensitive we are; one tiny strand of bacteria can knock us out for days, or even kill us.  I already know how “dirty” the American food system is, but this just made me even more afraid.  How do I know that my lettuce in a bag from California never encountered bacteria, or that my milk is completely clean?

I guess we don’t really know.  Part of me wants to say “that’s why we should choose local, seasonal, and organic.”  Okay, but I already do that.  Literally half of the stuff in my fridge right now is from the farmer’s market.  In fact, I have a suspicion that that might be where the contaminated food came from.  I always wash my produce, but I suppose I could be better at it.  The frustrating thing is that there aren’t many answers here.  Short of growing everything I eat, it’s impossible to ensure my diet is perfectly clean.

I am honestly a bit afraid of food right now.  I hope this doesn’t persist; I like food too much to be afraid of it!

But what can we do?  How do we keep a food supply clean when we don’t know where most of it is coming from?  How do we ensure that bacteria or diseases don’t have a chance to enter our tummies?

Therapy Tuesday

Today’s Happy Note: I have discovered that I can safely eat dark chocolate.  My life is so much better now. 🙂

Some thoughts:

  1. I have purchased an LSAT study guide.  I am officially going to apply to law school in the fall.  This is very scary. If I am in law school — no, if I am even applying to law school — I must be an adult.  A real live adult.  Weird.
  2. I miss running.  I’m going to have to do some yoga or else I will go crazy.
  3. Books are good.  Books are my friend.  Books never let me down.  Sometimes people let me down.
  4. My parents are the best parents in the world.  Trust me.  My mama calls me Bunny Rabbit and my papa calls em Cupcake.
  5. Summer and I are not friends.  As I was explaining to a real friend the other day, summer just makes me wilt.  I honestly get exhausted, tired, cranky, overheated…I hate it after about five minutes.  I hate walking the ten minute walk to work and arriving with my face covered in sweat.  I should not have to be mopping my brow at 9 in the morning.  This is why my family lives in Canada and Michigan (although summers there are rather hot as well).  I am moving to Norway.  And becoming a reindeer herder.  When I grow up.
  6. I need to bake.  ASAP.
  7. I am graduating from college in less than a year.  I still feel like a baby.  I’m pretty sure most of my relatives think I’m about five.
  8. I have eaten non-bread foods today!  Not much, just a bit here and there: frozen berries, frozen coconut bar, a bit of oatmeal, a few peanuts.  Just to break up the monotony a bit and get some energy into my system.  I am craving veggies, meat, and healthy fats like nobody’s business.
  9. The first meal I make after this wretched infection is gone might have to be Averie’s rice paper wraps with tofu, avocado, zucchini, and peanut sauce.
  10. Yes I am planning ahead for what I will eat when I’m all better.  Also on the list: Mediterranean pasta salad, spaghetti with meatballs, hummus and cheese sandwiches, quesadillas, fish, shrimp salad.  Greens with EVOO. Real food.  And lots and lots of protein.

Therapy Tuesday (lots of thoughts today — bear with me friends!)

This was my first session — and pretty much my first significant interaction with another person — since my illness/hospital visit.  I started by telling L all about that.  She was very responsive and sweet and acknowledged my thoughts and fears.  I wanted to talk more about the experience but I couldn’t really get beyond “I was scared.”   I did talk about how loving and helpful and supportive my mom and dad were.  That was really important to me these past few days.  I didn’t realize this at the time, but I didn’t want today to turn into a look at my relationship with my parents.  What I wanted — and needed — was a very gentle session in which L just sort of metaphorically held my hand.  All weekend, that’s what I wanted: for someone to hold my hand.  That was what I needed today and, unfortunately, I didn’t consciously realize that.  L was by no means mean, but today was absolutely a tough session.  Once I broke down I never really resurfaced.

One thing I did enjoy about today was that L focused on our relationship sometimes — the “here and now” or “in-between” of psychotherapy.  It was refreshing and a bit fun to think about how she was making me feel in the moment or how we were perceiving one another.  Mostly, I felt a lot of confusion-frustration towards L.  Which I told her about.  I felt like this because it seemed like we just kept miscommunicating.  I often feel like she is criticizing people I tell her about (for example, my family members).  But when I told her this, she made it clear that she is just trying to figure out the situation — not to judge anybody, especially people she doesn’t know,

Specifically, we talked today a lot about how people in my family deal with emotions.  This was interesting, if not frustrating.  My mother is emotional and compassionate to a degree that affects her personal and professional life.  My father has always been much more objective and rational, but he has always kept his emotions locked inside; he isn’t really managing his feelings either.  We talked about my impressions of these examples and how they affect me.  For some reason it made me really angry when she brought this up.  After a while I figured out why: I don’t care.  Or at least in the moment I don’t care.  I told L this and told her that it upsets me to not care.  But for some reason in her presence I just get frustrated when we talk about serious things and I respond by not caring. When I told her about my not caring issue she said (albeit gently) something along the lines of, “well, we have to figure out why.”  This further frustrated me: when she says this kind of thing, it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.  Like I’m no good at therapy.  Like I’m not getting better.  I have really struggled a lot with feeling like I’m not “improved” lately.  I know I mentioned a few weeks ago that maybe it isn’t about consciously improving, maybe it’s just about relating to L, sharing my experiences, telling my stories and seeing how things fit together.  I honestly don’t know.

We spent a lot more time talking about how I feel “stuck” and “not ready.”  I’m not sure where this phrase came from, but it caught on pretty quickly: I feel like I’m not ready.  For new friendships, meeting men, getting out more, being member of the “real world.”  I guess I feel more ready than I did nine months ago.  But when I get upset during therapy, in the moment, I panic. I panic so hard and I only just realized this.  My  biggest issue with feeling unready — besides the panic — is that I feel like being stuck makes me destined to live in misery until we fix things, which might not happen for years.  Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of misery already.

Mostly, I just want this feeling of stasis to go away.  First of all, I know it’s not true.  Secondly, it’s really damaging and hurtful to me.  I pointed this out to L and she reminded me that she isn’t hurting me: this is a story I’m telling myself. Speaking of stories I tell myself:

I also spent time today talking about how much I miss the very intimate, powerful friendship I had with my writer-friends.  It was a set of very rare relationships and circumstances that I feel like will never happen again.  Why do I feel this way?  Because good things don’t happen to me.  I don’t have friendships like that.  People don’t love me that way.  At least, this is what I tell myself.  I have loved my three years of college tremendously and I have many dear friends, but haven’t experienced that same wonderful relationship.  Yet.  L politely pointed out that I do not have a crystal ball.  I will have friendships like this again in the future.  This is another story I tell myself.  It is simply not true.

Why am I so negative?  How can I try so hard to believe in myself but still feel like such a failure?

At the end of today L asked me how I was feeling and I just told her “frustrated.”  Terribly, terribly frustrated.  I am not sure why, but she asked me where — physically — I was feeling this.  It was totally in my hands.  They were tense, anxious, zipping around.  I was trying desperately to show her my frustration in the way I moved my hands.  I meant to ask her why she asked me this but I didn’t.  I think the way we physically feel things is important, but at that point, this didn’t feel the most relevant.

So today was strange.  Very strange indeed.  There were good moments and bad moments.  A lot of frustration.  Not a failure of a session by any means; but confusing.  L simultaneously tells me that I am different now, that I deal with things differently, I cope better.  But also that we need to “fix things” or “improve.”  She doesn’t explicitly say this but that is the sense I get and the sense means everything.  So there is a sort of double message, which I hate.   I hate hate hate feeling like this.

There are, however, good things I took away today as well: it is nice to have someone who unconditionally loves you.  Of course my family members do, but things are different with L.  Looking at our relationship has been enlightening and enjoyable.  It is imperfect, but I also deeply adore her.  It is natural for people to become attached to their therapists (sometimes people fall in love with them; it’s called transference).  I try to be wary of this and to see L as a normal person.  Ultimately, I think she simply cares deeply about me and wants to help me help myself in any way I can.  In the end, I know this and have faith in this, so even frustrating sessions like today don’t destroy me.

Sorry for the monster post!  Sometimes I just have so much in my head  and if I don’t get it out it becomes tremendously stressful!

Yoga, Summer Foods, New Friends!

Today’s Happy Note: Weekly Trader Joe’s visit. 🙂  I always find new fun treats at TJ’s.  It’s my favorite.  Bonus: super cute checkout boy who randomly grew up in a small town near the small town where I grew up!

No post yesterday because  of emergency work business.  Gah.  One of the downsides of having two jobs means that I’m kind of always “on call.”  If it’s not emails from patrons at my office, it’s phone calls with students from the other job or paperwork or photocopies.  I had a lot of trouble getting up early to workout this week.  I feel like maybe it was a hormonal thing — normally I can drag myself out of bed around 7 but this week I even slept through my alarm a few times, or turned it off altogether.  This rarely happens.  My guess is hormones or stress.  I have had plenty of me time so I know that can’t be the issue…

Workouts!  Yesterday I did a 4 mile walk, 10 minutes with my new kettleball, and 20 minutes yoga in the park.  Today about 2 miles walking and an hour yoga class with my favorite teacher.

I have not wanted to run much lately, probably because of the humidity.  I already sweat a lot (related to my PCOS) and intense humidity makes that even worse.  Hopefully I can maybe do a nice short run and swim tomorrow and I might have a surprise for you on Sunday!  You’ll have to wait and see. 🙂

Fun eats!

Yogurt and frozen fruit go so nicely together in summer.  I am loving frozen berries, cherries, and mango chunks.

Those are beans.  Not poop.

Cookie Friday a la Tina!  This had vanilla, macadamia, and coconut.  Twas very tasty, although I’m sort of feeling a little overloaded on carbs (I just had fruit and two bowls of cereal for dinner).  Sugar coma.  Meh.

Tomorrow I am going to have a spectacular adventure!  That might mean two adventures in one weekend if my Sunday Surprise Adventure turns out as well!  Wow.  That’s a lot of Adventuring.  Maybe I’ll meet my adventure soulmate.  Or just a new friend.  I think it’s really important to make and cultivate new friendships.  I can’t be close to every individual I meet, but a few new rewarding friendships never hurt anybody.

1.  What’s your favorite summer food? I am loving the frozen fruit, coconut, cold milk/yogurt, crunchy carrots, fresh spinach/other leafy greens, and sorbet!

2. Do you make new friends easily?  Do you have a lot of friends or just a few? I like to have a decent amount of friends but too many people at once will overwhelm me.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!  What Adventures do you have planned?

Therapy Monday

Today’s Happy Note: Awesome, but exhausting, therapy session today.  It was one of those days where I felt like I had a breakthrough, which was nice.

Exercise: 30 minutes of strength-training (mostly arms, a little bit of leg stuff too) followed by 3 miles on the treadmill, as follows:

2x through this:

-5 minutes at 6 mph

-5 minutes (1 min @ 8, 1 min @ 6, 1 min @8, 1 min @ 6, 1min @ 8)

-5 minutes at 5.6-6 mph

I was going to do a few more of the speed intervals (I did a total of six through the whole workout) but my legs were a bit tired from the lifting so I didn’t  push it.  This was actually really exhausting!  I am not good at going fast in general, so maybe that’s why.  I was drenched at quite red afterwards.  I love getting in an hour workout where I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot.

Eats (not everything):

Breakfast: maple oatmeal with honey pb, side of grapes.  Normally I would feel really uncomfortable eating a breakfast like this because I perceive it as too carby.  While I love carbohydrates, they are a fear food for me when there are too many; I never eat grains or bread or anything like that with dinner, unless I am having a pasta dish, which happens about once every month or two.  Sophia left me a comment about my dinner yesterday saying that it needed carbs.  I don’t think I actually wanted/needed any right then, but I realized that  I do have an irrational fear of them!  This breakfast was exactly what I was craving, and I was NOT going to deny it to myself because it had oats and grapes (gasp!).

The obligatory post-therapy froyo.  The topping is chocolate covered pommegranate.  I adore these things!  They have it at this bubble tea place down the street from me and they go perfectly with the creamy froyo.  My other favorite topping is peanut m and m’s.  What are yours?

Dinner was one of my favorite weeknight meals.  Egg scramble with cheddar, green peppers, and mushrooms, with a romaines, spinach, cucumber, and Annie’s Goddess dressing side salad.  Well, it wan’t really a side salad because it was quite massive.  Most of my veggie dishes are.  I actually really like vegetables.  There are so many fun ways to prepare or cook them!

Therapy Monday:

I’m actually not going to do a whole long exposition on today’s session because, for the first time ever, really, I feel like it was too painful and personal to share on the blog.  But I do have a few general conclusions and observations about methods that I will happily share!

1. Sometimes I need to calm down: first of all, one semi-unproductive weekend is not a horrible thing, and I don’t need to get all tensed up about every little moment that does not go as planned.  I was actually freaking out/crying so much at one point today that my therapist had to remind me to breathe.  So, I want to make calmness a mindful goal.  It’s something that my yoga practice has helped with quite a bit, but I want to figure out how to incorporate it into my daily life more.  I often find myself with my hands clenched and my shoulders tightened, like I am ready for a fight or something.  Sometimes I need to just breathe.

2. I am not a social failure. I am not undeserving or friends, companions, boyfriends, or close relationships in general.  I do not need (or want) to hide in my room; my little cave.  We actually talked a lot about my room, which simultaneously represents a sort of loneliness and a sort of comfort to me.  I find it very hard to separate the two sometimes.  It’s something I am thinking about a lot.

3. There is no reason to hate myself.

So those were my take-away lessons.  A few notes on the process:

1. My therapist was unbelievably gentle with me today.  She is always considerate, but sometimes makes me think really hard about something or reconsider a painful idea in a way that hurts.  That was not the case today and I am so deeply grateful for that.  It is rare to have a person in your life who listens to you, never judges what you say, and offers insightful thoughts or advice.  Granted, she is trained to do this, but I have never had another psychologist who was this good at it.  I have a close friend from high school who I felt like this with — I think these people are just genuinely unusual individuals.  With that said, I want to seek out more friends and individuals like this.  The ability to listen is a truly beautiful characteristic in a person.

2. The actual room in which I see her has become an immensely safe physical and emotional space for me.  I felt like I opened up on a whole new level today, and I think that I was largely able to do that because I feel safe with her.  This seems obvious, but it is really quite subtle.   I value this space/place tremendously.  I don’t know what I would do without my hour with her every Monday.  I have so many thoughts that need to be sorted out; sometimes sad, angry, scary, or unhappy thoughts.  Sometimes joyful,fresh, fun, or exciting thoughts.  Regardless, she is always there, and that room is always there.  This is comforting, and I have not felt comforted in a long, long time.

Off to study!  I hope your week is off to a spectacular start!

Anatomy of My Snackage

Today’s Happy Note: I had TWO social activities.  Hey, that’s a lot for me.

I’ve switched from daily creativity notes to happy notes!  I was getting bored (and, um, a bit uncreative) and needed a change.  So far I’ve done positive notes, mini goals, daily creativity, and now happy notes.  The happy note has to be a comment on one happy thing from my day.

My friend J and I headed out for our run this morning and he finished so strong!  I even made him run up a hill at the end.  He was such a trooper; my legs were so dead, I could barely keep up with him!  I want to do a long run tomorrow and get it out of the way, but I can’t decide if my legs will be happy and rested.  Decisions decisions. Also, my running club is doing a small 5k for charity.  I hate 5ks but I feel like I should participate?  To race or not to race?  To do the long run afterwards or not to do the long run?

Caronae fact of the day: I am terribly indecisive.  I used to make my parents crazy saying I wanted one thing and then changing my mind at the last minute.  Oh wait, I still do that.

I won’t lie, I didn’t get much done today.  I did my five mile run and a nice hour-long yoga class, plus had brunch with J, did a little school reading and watched a lot of pointless TV.  But I don’t have class Monday so I feel like I shouldn’t have to start homework until tomorrow!  Lol, that’s just silly 🙂

Snackage:

I didn’t take a lot of food pictures today so I though I would do a round up of some of my typical/favorite healthy snacks and why I like them!  There are a few qualtiies I look for in a snack:

1. Must hold me over: this means that it should be nutritious.  Usually I go fo some (or all) of the following elements: fiber/vegetable matter, fat, protein, smart carbs, deliciousness.  If a snack is healthy as all get out, but it doesn’t taste good, I won’t want to eat it, and will therefore end up just eating what I really crave later on.

2. Portability/convenience: My afternoon snacks (generally consumed anywhere between 3:00 and 6:00 pm depending on lunchtime and hunger levels) are most often eaten between classes or walking to work or the gym or volunteering.  I usually look for something that can be taken in a plastic baggie or tupperware.  BTW, I LOVE tupperware.  If you have extra tupperware, send it to me 🙂

3. Nutrition: This relates to number one.  You will not see me eating 100 calorie packs or processed stuff.  I try to keep the snack as “whole” as possible.

Time for pictures!

Apple with nut butter.  While this was clearly eaten on a plate, you can easily cut up an apple into slices ahead of time, store it in a bag or container, and throw in a spoonful of nut butter (or a Justin’s on the go packet!  Love these!).  Sometimes I sit sheepishly at my desk at work and just smear some of the packet onto a whole apple 🙂

Veggie slices with hummus!  Also can be easily put in a container and thrown in your bag.

Homemade trail mix and/or whole fruit.  I take two snacks if I know I will be out and about for a long time between lunch and dinner.  I like the following for fun, unique trail mixes: nuts, exotic dried fruits (think pineapple or blueberries), whole grain cereal, dried edamame, chocolate chips, animal crackers, etc.

Good old plain fresh produce!  Carrots and peppers are really easy to cut into manageable strips.  I also like cucumber and cereal.  Snacks like this are perfect for when you have several hours before your next meal and you know you’ll be hungry, but you don’t want to get too full.

Frozen yogurt with toppings is my favorite occasional “treat” snack!

Yogurt with random toppings.  I like greek yogurt for the protein, and as long as I don’t eat more than one serving a day, my tummy feels fine.  You can get super creative with yogurt mix-ins.  This one had pb pretzels and chocolate raspberry sticks.

Bars: These are my in-a-hurry or need-calories choices.  They can be a bit processed, but some aren’t bad.  They usually keep my nice and full, but you do have to experiment to find ones that taste yummy to you.

Smoothies!  Smoothies can be a super fun but also filling choice.  Since I am still blenderless (*tear*), I have to buy mine and add toppings if I want them.  I like a little yogurt and a sprinkle of nuts.  Mmmmm.

Okay, I think I’ve covered my most typical snacks!  I’m looking on doing more protein/savory snacks, since I know that carbs/sweet stuff can be a little bit addictive for me.  I’m thinking of plain edamame and hard boiled eggs.  Anyone have any other protein/fat snack ideas?

I hope your Saturday night is going superbly.  Off to a friend’s birthday party 🙂

See you tomorrow!

PS — Averie is giving away some awesome Tazo tea stuff here.  Seriously, the blog fairies love this girl!

Running, Protein, And Fat!

Daily Creativity: I won’t lie, nothing much creative has happened yet.  Maybe some sketching?  I’m so mad at myself for forgetting to bring my pastels back with me when I was home last week!  Well, my dinner salad was kind of creative I guess.

Cook’s Mission: Go vote for my cook’s mission entry (you have to scroll down quite a bit) here.  Or vote for whatever one you like the best!  I personally thought Mae’s muffins and Health-Foodies apricot and rosemary filled pretzels rocked.  To vote, just leave a comment on the recipe you like the best!

Run: Today was my first run since the race.  Perhaps I should have started out low and slow, but for some reason I really wanted to do eight miles.  When I get an idea for a route or distance in my head, I tend to stick to that plan no matter what, even if I’m not really feeling it.  Not the greatest habit, but today turned out alright.  Very slow though; I think I did about 8, or perhaps a little bit less, in 85 minutes.  I was doing a lot of hilly trails in CP though, so that was part of the slowness.  My legs just felt generally tired too.  If I still feel sluggish in five days I’ll be annoyed, but right now I’m just accepting that they might have a little residual exhaustion 🙂

Tomorrow I’m going to take my friend J outside for his first ever outdoor run!!!!  He can do 3.25 on a treadmill, but I know I can get him up to 5 outside.  He’s a trooper. I’m SO proud of him; three years ago when we started college, he was overweight and really out of shape.  He started making simple changes like eating whole wheat bread and low fat milk and having more fruits and veggies and now he is strong, powerful, and way healthier.  Go J go!

How long does it take you to recover from a hard race?

Announcements, Announcements, Annouuuuunnnnncements: Okay, sorry, that probably seems really random to you.  We used to have to sing that phrase every morning at the camp I went to for nine years.  It will forever be stuck in my head.

1. Thanks for everyone’s sweet comments yesterday

2. I really want a blog header/fun layout, but I’m very poor and can’t really justify spending money on the blog.  Anyone have any suggestions/know-how/friends who design websites?

3. I’m going to be running another race soon.  A really awesome but very difficult and painful race.  One that I have run once before (hint: it was in December and you can learn more about it on one of my pages from the sidebar).  Drumroll…

Run around the island 33 mile ultramarathon!!!!!!!!  I AM REALLY EXCITED this time around: I have no tibia issues and my microfractures are long gone.  I know I’m strong and I have the endurance.  And it’s in two weeks.  Gah!  This isn’t really something that I would train for outside of my normal running, and since it’s so soon I don’t know that I’ll want to do any 18-22 milers before it.  I’ll probably do a 12-14 miler during the middle of this week, and I should be fine.  Last time we did 33.4 miles in 6 hours 8 minutes.  I guess it’d be cool if we could beat that time; I ran it with two guys and they were both so supportive and encouraging.  Not sure if we’ll have more people this time, but it’d be cool if we did.  More people=more fun!

Random eats  from the day (forgot to charge my camera so I don’t have everything):

Whole wheat pasta with lots of veggies, chicken, a little alfredo sauce and too much cheese.

Luna protein bar: OMG this was wonderful.  I have high bar standards, and although this may not be super “clean”, it was super tasty.  Most chocolate peanut butter flavored things fail, but this one was downright impressive.  It tasted like the girl scout peanut butter patties cookies (which, in my opinion, are way better than thin mints)!

Grocery heap!  Things I’m excited about: Tera’s whey protein powders, chocolate almond milk, black cherry steaz, and justin’s maple almond butter (ON SALE!).

Dinner: lentil soup, giant salad with romaine, spinach, carrots, bell peppers, blackberry, and half of an apple chicken sausage.  Dinnertime perfection.

Emotional Eating (warning: wordiness ahead):

I think one of the first things I need to do in evaluating my emotional eating/over eating, after examining what my feelings really are (which is a lot of what therapy is about, so this is already covered mostly), is examine the ways in which my diet is and is not working for me.  There are a few things I have noticed so far:

1. I am someone who needs a lot of vegetables, protein and fat.  I know it’s cliche to say that “carbs are not your friend” but for me they pose one major problem: if I have a carb-based meal at any point in the day after breakfast, I will only want carbs for the rest of the day.  If I have cereal or granola at lunch, I cannot resist having it for snack and dinner too.  I think that for my body chemistry (insulin-resistant), carbs actually have an addictive property.  I am one of those people for whom sugar necessitates more sugar.  I have noticed a few things that help with this: small servings of whole grain bread, pasta, or actual grains with lunch or dinner seem to help keep me full and satisfied, include lots of plant based volume at most meals, and eat more protein or fat.  Sounds simple, and really, it is.  So this is something I have observed (non-judgmentally) and plan to work on!

2.  If I get too hungry or wait too long between meals, I will dive into the sugar (ice cream, cereal, chocolate,whatever’s around).  I think the solution to this is as simple as making sure I’m eating every 3-4 hours, and when I do get into a hunger state, respond by having some fat and protein immediately.

3.  After-dinner snacking: if I occupy myself after dinner with blogging/reading/homework/cleaning etc., I tend to not have the snacky feeling!  I am not sure why, but I get really intense sugar cravings after most meals, regardless of what the meal consists of.  If I wait a half an hour or so though, these cravings typically go away!  I need to practice mindfulness and consciousness in the evenings.  I think this is a good first step.

I really wanted to do a Flashback Friday (Janetha makes them look so fun) but this post is already way too talky.  Maybe I’ll do one tomorrow?  Is this allowed?

Alright bloggettes, what are you up to this weekend?  Any fun exercise classes or adventures planned or delicious new meals waiting to be consumed?

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