See You In December

Today’s Happy Note: All your wonderful comments on the marathon! ¬†Each one has been like a little gift in my inbox. ūüôā

This post is ALL over the place. ¬†I have a lot of random thoughts floating around, some blog-related, some not, ¬†and I just need to get them out! ¬†So here goes…

I am feeling pretty good by this point! ¬†For the first 48 or so hours after the marathon my quads were super sore — I could hardly walk! ¬†But today they feel fine, almost back to normal. My left knee is really bothering me though and something feels not quite right, so I am going to see my doctor about it tomorrow. ¬†I have to talk about blood work and lab results and stuff too so I’ll be there anyways. ¬†The Health Services offices are kind of my second home anyways.

My iron levels are still low and my INR is completely off so boo on that. ¬†It seriously makes no sense: two weeks ago my level was in the normal range, now, on the same exact dosage, it’s way too high. ¬†I thought science was supposed to be predictable. ¬†Grrrrrr.

So: iron. I actually am not taking any supplements or eating iron-rich foods right now, while they do various tests to determine the exact source of the problem (although I think it’s pretty obvious: I am a woman of reproductive age who takes blood thinners. ¬†Duh).

My appetite has been raging since the marathon. ¬†I have been trying not to overeat and to just be mindful of my hunger levels and intake. I haven’t been explicitly “exercising” so much, although I did run 2.5 miles yesterday to try and loosen up my legs (it didn’t work, sadly) and today I had my easy yoga class then lifted weights for 30 minutes. ¬†I’ll increase things slowly. I get really antsy if I don’t move around a bit anyways.

Some Thoughts on Marathoning!

I absolutely loved training for and running the New York City Marathon.  I worked hard and it payed off on a tough course.  I trained a lotРprobably more than someone needs to for a first marathon in order to finish, but I am not a beginning runner and I also had a time goal.  I trained five days a week, and typically did yoga and strength once or twice a week as well.  It was, admittedly, exhausting.  In the future, I might do less speedwork and more yoga.  But overall, I think my plan worked relatively well.  I had peak weeks of 68 and 57 miles (although the 68 was sort of an accident, because I had two long runs in one week).  In the end, it feels so good to know that my hard work was all worth it.

My official time was 4:19.42, which is a 9:55 pace. ¬†I am still sort of in shock that I ran 26.2 miles at a pace under 10 minutes per mile! A marathon is exhausting and¬†exhilarating¬†at the same time. ¬†At the end I felt like I was going to collapse, but I also felt the happiest I have felt in a long time. ¬†It’s sort of a strange duality!

At first, when I finished, I thought “that was really fun but also really crazy; I’m never doing another marathon again!” But I think I might have already changed my mind. ¬†Four hours of intense pain isn’t really that bad, when you think about the benefits. ¬†Even better is the feeling of accomplishment. ¬†I want that feeling again. ¬†I am already looking up marathons in spring!

I loved doing the marathon, but training for it was a complete and total time-suck. ¬†I did not have as much time to focus on my studies as I wanted, and quite frankly, if I wasn’t running, I was usually eating or mentally exhausted — not studying. ¬†I have some studying to catch up on and a veritable mountain of LSAT studying to get through before December 11th. ¬†I took the October test and did well above average, but not exceptional. ¬†In order to get into the law schools I am interested in, I need to significantly raise my scores. ¬†I have a (very expensive) tutor, a mountain of practice tests, and books about strategies up the wazoo. ¬†I have been trying really hard to blog every other day or so; I love it, it is a good outlet, and I love having so many wonderful blogging friends. ¬†But with that said, it does take up time too. ¬†I am going to take an extended break until the December 11th test. [Edited to Add: The test is¬† indeed December 11th.¬† I made a mistake the first time I posted this!]

Hopefully this will help me to reset some priorities, figure out my goals, have time for studying and LSAT review, and give me a break from some of the craziness that is happening in my life right now.  And I will come back a better, more dedicated, fun blogger!

By no means am I stopping blogging!  I just need to take some time off while I get through the bulk of the rest of the semester and this LSAT test.  I have big dreams for the next year (or three, wink wink) of my life, and a little work now will pay off a lot later.

I might have some guest posts between now and then —¬†if anyone wants to do a guest post about anything related to mental health, physical health, running, eating, or whatever, let me know (email me at caronaeh [at] gmail.com)! I am also trying to talk my parents into writing a guest post. ¬†I know it sounds boring, but they are medical professionals, and I think that the world of health blogs is, ironically, sorely lacking in perspectives from actual health professionals. ¬†My dad might be writing about coconut oil (he thinks it’s bad; I think it’s good).

I warned you that this post was all over the place. ¬†Hopefully I’ll be more organized when I come back from my break! ¬†I don’t think I will be reading blogs, but we’ll see. ¬†I am going to miss you all so much! ¬†Feel free to email me — I’ll definitely still be checking my email!

Happy Thanksgiving!  See you in December!

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A Critique of Certain Responses to the Marie Claire Article

Today’s Happy Note: For the first time ever, this afternoon, a reader recognized me — in public! ¬†It was so strange. ¬†It made me happy — not because I care about how many people read my blog but because I like meeting new friends! ¬†Hi Jen!

Marathon Training: I basically had back-to-back rest days yesterday and today, although both were active rest days.  Well, sort of.  I did not leave my floor until 10:00 PM last night.  I literally stayed on my bed or in the kitchen the entire day. Then I walked three miles because I was getting antsy.

Today I had yoga class and 20 minutes of weights. I would have done a bit more (I enjoy strength training) but had to rush off to the doctor’s. ¬†I finally got referred to an endocrinologist so let’s keep our fingers crossed that my health issues get sorted out soon!

I’m sure you’re all up to speed on the big controversy that hit blogland this morning — there was a libelous article in Marie Claire magazine about “The Big 6” healthy living bloggers (no one uses that term — I’m pretty sure the author made it up).

If you, by chance, have not read the article, read it: The Hunger Diaries.

Here are each of the “Big 6” blogger’s responses:

Kath

Heather (part II here)

Meghann

Caitlin

Tina

Jenna — I have not seen a response from Jenna and, FYI, I do not (and never have) read her blog, so I won’t comment on her blog or her posts.

I know that many people have already responded to the article, primarily in two ways: first, there have been the “Big 6” themselves and their supporters (of whom I definitely count myself as one) and second, there have been those who support the “Big 6” but tenuously, acknowledging that the article raises some legitimate points. ¬†If you want a good synopsis of this perspective, read the post entitled “Please Blog Responsibly” from Hollaback Health.

I would like to respond to the responders; in other words, I am taking a third path. In so doing, I intend to engage with the article in a new way. ¬†I like to think that, given my blog’s unique combination of honest musings on physical and mental health, I am situated to talk about some of the issues raised by the article in a new and, hopefully interesting and relevant way.

I would like, however, to make two points, before beginning:

1. I am not an expert on anything besides my own life. I do what works for me. I eat what works for me, move the way that works for me, and most importantly, take care of my emotional health in a way that works for me.  I am not a dietitian, a doctor (although my parents are!), a psychologist, or any sort of professional.  I am, however, applying to law school!  Note: This has nothing whatsoever to do with my credentials as a healthy living blogger, I just wanted to say it.

2. I think that we can all agree that the article was downright mean, poor journalism (if we can call it that), and should never, ever have been written. It was cruel and wrenched my heart; I can’t imagine how those who were mentioned are feeling. ¬†Not to mention the fact that it was just plain old wrong about 99% of the things mentioned; the degree to which quotes and posts were taken out of context astounds me.

Okay.  Onto my thoughts.

My main problem with both the article and the second group of responders (those who say that the article makes valid points) is that both of them presume some degree of stupidity among readers.  They assume that healthy living bloggers (with the ladies mentioned above being the paradigmatic examples) are some sort of breed of obsessive, blind, health addicts who have an inherent inability to be introspective.

This is wrong and an insult to my intelligence. ¬†Here is the thing about blogging: I can guarantee that no one has ever held a gun to your head and said “you must read this blog or I will kill you”. ¬†I guarantee it. ¬†Yes, there have been moments in my own journey where I thought “wow, she is so much thinner than me and eats less — I must suck”. ¬†But guess what: I got over it. ¬†Real fast. And this is coming from someone who clearly has had a lot of mental health struggles, disordered eating patterns, and severe body image/self-acceptance issues.

If you are unconvinced, you can read about my mental health struggles on my Mental Health page and in this recent post about therapy.

I consider myself a painfully honest blogger.  It is simply the way that my blog has always operated.  If something is happening in my life, you all know about it, usually not too long after my family and my therapist (L).  That is the premise of this blog and it always will be.  With that said, I understand that not every blogger can (or wants to) share as many details as I do.

Let’s say a blogger posts pictures of all of his or her meals from a day, with interesting commentary and recipes, and talks about their morning run, in a post. ¬†Does the fact that this is the contentpresented in the post make me think that that blogger has no issues with eating or body image or perfection?

No no no! Why?  Because I am an intelligent, cultured, educated, powerful young woman who makes her own damn decisions. While I recognize that not every reader is 3/4 of the way through an Ivy League degree and in the process of applying to elite law schools, I also understand that it would be naive and insulting to assume that a majority of bloggers and readers in this community cannot make their own decisions.  We are adults (if a 12 year old girl in the throes of anorexia is reading these blogs, I think that is a different issue; one that I will not get into).  We know our bodies and ourselves and our limits.

Guess what?  On Saturday I had at least five servings of peanut butter pretzels and three or four servings of chocolate covered ginger for dinner.  Followed by some cereal.

Do I hate myself for it or think I am a lesser blogger?  Absolutely not.  I think that Caitlin makes it especially clear on her blog that we each need to do what works for us.  She candidly eats salads for dinner sometimes and entire boxes of macaroni and cheese for dinner at other times.

Whether or not certain bloggers exhibit tendencies of disordered eating or “pseudo-anorexia” is simply not relevant: in a niche of the blogosphere where everyone goes out of their way to celebrate differences in lifestyle (including eating and workout patterns) , it’s time for us to recognize the fact that some women (and men — hey Evan!) need to eat differently than others. ¬†As someone who has struggled with her weight being too high, I can sympathize with bloggers who eat less: it is my genuine belief that many of us need to eat more or less than others. ¬†It is also my genuine belief ¬†that, the vast majority of the time, the “Big 6” bloggers — and others — do not cross into disordered eating territory. ¬†And if they do, I simply don’t read that blogger’s blog. ¬†It’s that simple. ¬†It’s painfully obvious.

Furthermore, the precise intricacies of a blogger’s body weight and menstrual cycle are nobody’s business but the blogger’s, her close friend’s/family’s, and her doctor’s. ¬†If she chooses to share some of this information with readers, that does not give them free license to criticize. I can guarantee that she is doing it for one of two reasons: either to help or inform her readers in some way or to help herself in some way.

I am responding to the article and the responses to it because I believe, with all my heart, that the blogging community I consider myself a part of is about the little guys as much as it is about people like the “Big 6”. It’s about all of us — everyone from the celebrity bloggers to those getting 10 page views a day. Moment of honesty: I typically average 100-200 readers a day. ¬†Not a lot. ¬†By anyone’s standards. ¬†I don’t have any ads. ¬†I make no money through blogging. ¬†I have, a few times, gotten free samples. ¬†Probably totaling less than $20 worth in the last nine months of blogging.

I say all of this to illustrate the following point: blogging is meaningful to me — healthy living blogs are meaningful to me. ¬†They have illustrated to me that I can eat normal, whole foods in normal portions and still eat healthfully — I can even eat dessert, every. ¬†Single. ¬†Day. (And I do). ¬†They have given me the confidence to train for my first half-marathon and a marathon. ¬†More importantly, I have become so much more accepting of my body exactly as it is, since starting to read healthy living blogs (and eventually starting my own).

That said, I recognize that this is not the case for every single reader. ¬†And my response to that is simple: do the adult, mature thing and don’t read blogs that are upsetting or triggering for you. ¬†Like Heather, I do believe that bloggers are responsible for their content, but I also believe that readers need to be more responsible. ¬†I would never to tell you that your diet should consist of celery sticks and plain grilled chicken breasts. ¬†I don’t know any bloggers who would. ¬†BUT even if they did, I expect that it would be your responsibility to recognize that that was disordered and wrongheaded.

There, I said it: I expect educated readers. We are a smart, vibrant group of young people. ¬†We are not stupid. ¬†None of us is. ¬†Those readers who are going through serious eating disorders and are seeking “thinspiration” on the web are going to find it somewhere, regardless of whether or not the “Big 6” blogs exist (or any other healthy living blogs that share daily eats).

I think it is careless to say that the article raised issues that needed to be raised — to say that it was “The Elephant in the Room”, as I have heard some bloggers refer to it. By no means do I think that we are perfect: but that is the entire point of healthy living blogging! ¬†Acknowledging that we are not perfect — that every single one of us will eat differently, wokrout (or not workout) differently, and just generally take care of ourselves in different ways — is central to the healthy living blogosphere. I see bloggers who eat more than me and those who eat less than me. ¬†Run more or run less. Some don’t run at all. ¬†Some are way more in touch with the aspects of their spiritual health, and I really admire that. ¬†

I would argue that non-perfection is the premise of the community, and saying that the article made a valid point by reminding us that we shouldn’t all be perfect and certain bloggers try to influence us to be perfect like them is like saying “(y=(x+10)/0)”. ¬†Okay, so maybe all of us aren’t geeks like me. ¬†If you didn’t know, that is an equation that does not exist. ¬†It is impossible. ¬†You cannot divide anything by zero.

It just doesn’t make sense.

The End.

Obviously, I would be thrilled if you shared your thoughts with me! ¬†Agree or disagree, I don’t care — if you articulate yourself well and aren’t mean about it, I would be happy to listen to you!