Today’s Positive Note: I am very loving. If you become even moderately close to me, I will love you, and I will love you very hard. This is usually a good thing, but sometimes results in me getting hurt. Either way, I pride myself on my ability to feel love very intensely.
Before we get to therapy, let’s talk eats and exercise!
I normally hate overnight oats, but made them with Stoneyfield pumpkin yogurt and American Spoon Foods pumpkin butter and they were super tasty (side note: going to American Spoon Foods in Chicago with my parents is one of my earliest memories. I think I was in first grade.). I highly recommend this combination!
Like I alluded to in my last pose, I made Averie’s peanut butter cups yesterday. Superbly delectable. I may start having dreams about them. Just look at these pictures – and not processed at all!
That’s my happy face after eating one!
Tonight, I made banana-walnut-chocolate chip bread! It’s for Diana’s bake sale for Haiti, which I first read about on HangryPants. I am a good baker, so I thought I’d do what I could to contribute. This is the recipe I used. It’s an amended version of my Uncle John’s, from our family cookbook. Do you have a family cookbook? It’s a really sweet idea, and can be done just for fun, for an anniversary, or for holiday presents.
1.25 C Whole Wheat flour
1 C Sugar
1 tsp salt (I left this out)
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 C oatmeal
1 C mashed bananas
1/3 C vanilla yogurt
¼ C milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 C chopped walnuts
1 C semi-sweet chocolate chips
Mix all dry ingredients together. Add everything else, mixing until just blended (do not beat). Pour batter into a greased loaf pan and top with the following:
2 tbsp brown sugar
2 tbsp chopped walnuts
Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes (mine took much longer because it was quite thick. Check with a fork or toothpick every 10-15 minutes).
Today was a rest day on my half-marathon training plan. I walked for about two miles, and I also plan on doing 10-20 minutes of yoga tonight. Anyways, tomorrow is my second speedwork day of this training cycle. For some reason, speedwork makes me really anxious! I’m supposed to do 5×1000 meters at 10k (ish) pace, with two minutes rest between each. I might up the rest time a bit. Eeek! Wish me luck.
Therapy Mondays (if you want to read more about the background to this, go here)
And now what you’ve all been waiting to hear about. Or not. For this semester, Mondays are going to be my therapy days. So be forewarned, my posts will probably be emotional, but I almost always come away with some important lessons, and that’s what I really want to share. I hope that in some way, I can inspire you guys to think about your own life in new, happier ways!
For some reason, I always cry during therapy. I think it’s almost a natural physical reaction; I can go in happy as a clam and ready to talk about all the great things going on in my life and somehow I end up breaking down halfway through the session. Oddly enough, I really enjoy this process. It’s like I have this time every week when I can sob and nobody is judging me. I think it’s kinds of healthy.
I tend to blame myself for other people’s issues a lot. I have a very adult relationship with most people in my life, including my family. This has made me very independent, but it also makes me feel a bit guilty sometimes. A few months ago, I was describing to my father something I felt guilty about and he said, “guilt is not a productive emotion.” This idea finally “clicked” for me today. There are people in my life who have mismanaged their own lives – friends, family, people I don’t know that well. Their mistakes are not my fault, and it’s not helping me to see things through a lens of constant guilt. My therapist has a sticker on her wall that says “don’t believe everything you think”, and while it sounds silly, this is a really important thing for me to realize. I am not responsible for everyone in my life. Just because I tell myself things doesn’t make them true.
This leads me to my next important realization. During my winter break, there was a moment when I was with my mother, and we were looking at a picture of a recently deceased child. My mother began crying, and I asked her why it upset her so much: she said that to a mother, the thought of losing your child is unbearable. This depth of love, combined with several encounters with children that I’ve had over the last month, made me realize how much I want to be a mother someday. To love and be loved that much is so important for our world, and for ourselves.
I am so lucky to have such a kind, non-judgmental and insightful therapist. I feel like every week I am having a conversation with her. It’s never a lecture, nor is it me having to talk exclusively. I have come to enjoy my weekly sessions tremendously. If you need help, feel free to email me. I would love to talk to you about anything at all, and/or help you find a therapist or doctor who is qualified to help you more.
Okay, therapy discussion over. Tomorrow is my first day of classes for the semester. This is my fifth semester of college, but somehow, I’m still nervous! And I only have one class to go to!
Happy Tuesday everybody! Do something nice for yourself today!
Question: tell me something you do that’s nice to yourself! Today, I bought a new baking pan and baked, which is always super relaxing for me.