Adventure Saturday: Ocean, Body Image/Weight Concerns

Today’s Happy Note: Vitamin D overload. ¬†Sunshine! ūüôā

I ended up walking 5 or so miles yesterday; I also did a 20 minute yoga core download.  Today I did 3-4 miles walking, 2 miles running (on the beach!!!) and lots of playing in the water.

I had an awesome beach trip.  I always forget that Manhattan is so close to the ocean.  Twas lovely!

Confession: I felt so unbelievably, ridiculously fat in my swimsuit. ¬†I wanted to hide in the changing rooms and cry. ¬†I told my dad that I should not be allowed on the beach without a sign that said “whale.”

And then I hate myself for hating myself so much.  Oh, the irony.

The reality is that, between the GI illness and the hospitalization, I have gained about ten pounds. ¬†I am not someone who could afford to gain ten pounds. ¬†I’m pretty sure this makes me borderline overweight. ¬† I don’t care so much about that label as feeling good and feeling confident. ¬†I don’t feel either right now. ¬†I feel enormous.

I am not necessarily mad at myself: I have hardly been able to workout in the last month, and I have been quite stressed.   I respond to stress by eating emotionally and gaining weight easily.  Seriously, I probably even gained weight when I had my GI thing and all I could eat for three or four days was the occasional piece of toast.

I played on the beach today for hours and ended up having a lot of fun; I dug my toes into the sand, ran up and down, jumped over the waves, swam through the waves, and bothered my sister (endlessly entertaining). ¬†So I am not entirely focused on my body, but it is still there. ¬†It’s this painful, nagging thing in the background. ¬†It’s like something isn’t quite right, and my body knows this, physically and mentally.

The thing that works best for me is not obsessing, but not being lax either. ¬†Counting calories, tracking meals, only “allowing” certain food: none of this works for me. This all creates more tension and anxiety and makes me more sad and I feel worse about my body and I end up eating more. ¬†Funny how that cycle works. ¬†But at least I can recognize it. ¬†In fact, I think I do know what works: eating three wholesome meals a day (plus an afternoon snack and a small dessert), with lots of healthy fats, protein, and veggies, and not snacking in the evening. ¬†It’s as simple as that.

Pretty straightforward. ¬†That’s my plan. ¬†I do intend to use the blog to keep myself accountable. Accountability is where I have failed in the past. ¬†So I intend to do a tiny little check-in with myself when I post, mostly to note whether or not I have been mindlessly eating in the evenings.

Once in a while, I might share a full day of eats. ¬†Like today, since I figured it would be a good idea to have a baseline image of how much I need in a day on an active day where I don’t overeat.

I am sorry if this upsets anyone: if you feel like this would not be a good idea for you to read about, PLEASE skip over it.  I would not want to hurt anyone, especially if you have a history of ED/disordered eating.

Breakfast was flax oatmeal (TJ’s brand) with part of a peach (would have used it all but parts were squishy and I hate that) and a giant scoop of AB. ¬†One of my favorite breakfasts!

Lunch=giant salad with cucumbers, zuchinni, carrots, microwaved eggs, and avocado.

Afternoon snack — it was super melty since it had been at the beach with me all day and it was a hundred degrees!

A few bites of coleslaw and a giant Asian chicken salad for dinner (the size of my head). ¬†You can’t see the chicken and other toppings, but I promise they’re there!

On the left is a peanut butter cup shake I had before going to a play with my dad and sister. ¬†Right was my before blogging/bed snack of a small Godiva truffle. ¬†I REFUSE to go without dessert. ¬†Ever. Regardless of my weight. ¬†I’m sure this is some kind of dieting sin. ¬†But I don’t care.

So there you have it. ¬†I do want to lost a bit of weight. ¬†It’s very hard for me to find a balance between vigilance and obsession; I am aiming to use the blog to help me find a balance over the next few months (that won’t be the only thing on the blog though, don’t worry!). ¬† Due to my body’s natural ¬†(and rather unfortunate) chemistry/metabolism, I do need to have a certain vigilance. ¬†It sounds bizarre, but if I am not careful and I gain weight now, I could screw over my fertility in the future. ¬†Very random, I know. ¬†But I want to be a mother more than anything in the world and so I am not going to take any chances with this.

Any thoughts?

Adventure Saturday: Yoga/Farmer’s Market and Fava Bean Pasta Salad

Today’s Happy Note: Everything! ¬†It was just a very pleasant Saturday. ¬†I need a list.

1. Turtles. ¬†I found this little pond in CP with a small dock. ¬†I ran down the dock and discovered that the pond was swarming with turtles — hundreds of them! ¬†My favorites are the big old ones. ¬†They’re such serene and graceful creatures.

2. Buying myself sunflowers! ¬†See farmer’s market pictures below. ¬†They are brightening up my dining room table.

3. Getting things done: lots of errands and tasks (calling grandparents, buying paper towels, letter writing, etc.).

4. One of my best random dinner creations ever.

5. Spectacular batch of protein ice cream (that I am currently eating).

6. Chatting with friends, even if only briefly.  Always makes my day so much better.

7. Catching up on Bethenny Getting Married, which is the best reality show ever.  I think Bethenny is really sassy and clever.  She is totally someone who I would want as my friend!

I had a spectacular Adventure this morning to a yoga class with live music. ¬†I have never had a class with live musicians and it was fun, especially since the players were kinda cute. ¬†I don’t think it really changed my experience but I did notice I felt a little more relaxed. ¬†Like there was less stuff floating around in my head interfering with my practice.

I have been thinking a lot about compassion lately. ¬†Yoga always reminds me to be kind: towards myself and others. ¬†This is one of my favorite things about it, besides the obvious physical benefits. ¬†After yoga, the Adventure continued to the Farmer’s Market. ¬†Unfortunately, I didn’t have my camera since I only had my running waist pack. ¬†There was such a wide variety of vendors there today. ¬†I wanted to try so many things — fresh goat cheese, blueberry jam, sprouts, lamb, herb teas, squashes. ¬†I didn’t think I should spend my life savings at the FM though, so I had to drag myself away eventually. ¬†My little trip reminded me of Averie! ¬†I wish she could shop at the farmer’s market in NYC with me. ¬†I know she would love it and we would be buddies!

When I was done shopping, I munched on a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from Stone Arch Farms (my favorite baked goods vendor by far) dipped in my newly acquired cashew butter! ¬†I had gotten a few things at WF beforehand. Sadly, the cashew butter was a bit disappointing. ¬†It was sort of thick and goopy and slimy. ¬†Cashews are my favorite nut too. ¬†I don’t know where things went wrong.

Loot:

Peaches, cookies, banana chip bread, eggs, fava beans, sunflowers, cucumbers, sweet corn!  WF loot:

Basil, spring greens, almond milk, frozen mahi mahi burgers (!!!), raspberries, cashew butter.  Can you tell what I was thinking of making for dinner? Probably not.  Because only a few of the ingredients are here.  And only my crazy brain would think up the bizarre concoction that it turned into.

So what did dinner turn into?

Summer Pasta Salad (this is for one)

1 serving whole wheat noodles

1/2 pound fava beans (once shelled, you’ll have about 1/2 – 3/4 cups)

2 C spinach, washed

1 C fresh basil, washed

2 Tbsp EVOO

2 Tbsp hummus

Lemon pepper to taste

Salt to taste

Boil a pot of water and add a teaspoon or two of salt. ¬†While it boils, remove fava beans from pods. ¬†Add them into the boiling water for three or four minutes; meanwhile, prepare a bowl of ice water. ¬†Remove fava beans from pot and submerge in ice water. ¬†Add pasta to water and cook for ten to twelve minutes. ¬†The fava beans actually have another shell that must now be removed. ¬†I took them out of the ice water and, using a dull-ish knife (I didn’t want to slice my hand open), make a slice along one edge, then squeeze the bean out. ¬†Once all of the beans have been shelled, toss into a frying pan with a little EVOO, lemon pepper, and salt. ¬†Into a blender goes the hummus, the other tablespoon of EVOO, more salt and lemon pepper, and the basil. ¬†Blend until creamy. ¬†Beans should be sauteed for about five minutes, while pasta is finishing up. ¬†When everything is complete, add pasta, beans, and sauce to a bowl. ¬†Toss together thoroughly, then add the spinach and toss again. ¬†Serve with cheese, sunny side up egg, more basil, or other fresh herbs.

The Bean.

This was such a fun dinner! ¬†I was ¬†*this close* to not cooking but decided I wanted to do a little kitchen experimentation. ¬†So glad I did! ¬†It’s creamy yet tangy yet not overpowering. ¬†I will probably make a version of this again. ¬†I need to buy more favas next time!

Do you have a favorite easy summer recipe?

Outside of my yoga/farmer’s market adventure, I also ran and lifted today. ¬†I did about seven and a half miles then twenty-ish minutes of arm strength. ¬†I was proud of myself for that distance. ¬†It felt surprisingly easy, considering that I have run all of five miles in the last two weeks. ¬†I think I should be back up to my regular weekend long runs in no time at all.

Tomorrow will, hopefully, include more Adventures. ¬†I think that’s what weekend are all about

What Adventures are you having on this lovely (albeit sticky) July weekend?

Adventure Saturday: Mermaid Edition.

Today’s Happy Note: Ocean. ¬†Water. ¬†Beach. ¬†Sand. ¬†Seashells. ¬†Waves. ¬†Boardwalk. ¬†Wading. ¬†Wet. ¬†Island. ¬†Mermaids.

I had a spectacular Adventure yesterday! ¬†Any guesses based on my Happy Note? ¬†If you don’t live in NY you probably have no idea what I’m talking about.

So what am I talking about?  Coney Island and the Mermaid Parade of course!

Not really sure how to describe the Mermaid Parade. ¬†Other than that it is a parade. ¬†Of Mermaids and such. ¬†It’s just one of those random New York things that everybody loves. ¬†There were goth mermaids, dead mermaids, sexy mermaids, drag mermaids, mermen, child mermaids, pink mermaids, fairy mermaids. Any kind of mermaid. You name it, it was there.

The mermaids were all beautiful, I thought. ¬†Although some just seemed to be taking advantage of the opportunity to wear as little clothing as possible. ¬†It was hot as hell. ¬†What I liked most about the Parade was seeing so many different women — of all ages, races, shapes, heights, backgrounds. ¬†All of whom were, for the most part, comfortable in their own skin. ¬†I saw stretch marks and tummies and thighs. ¬†But I also saw dancing and confidence and smiles. ¬†To me, this is amazing. ¬†It made me want to feel comfortable too. ¬†Just being there was inspiring. ¬†Hopefully I’ll be a little less afraid to prance around the beach in a swimsuit next time!

To all the women out there — mermaids or not — you are lovely the way you are. ¬†Thank you for the vibrancy of your personality and your ability to dance.

But there was more than just mermaids!  Also:

Friends!

I love jumping in and out of the waves.  Oceans are the best thing ever.  Believe it or not, despite living in NYC for three years, I had never set foot in the ocean here before yesterday.

Next up: Wheel of Wonder.

I fueled myself with lots of yummy things!

Apples, peas, moose tracks ice cream.  Perfection.

One spectacular Saturday Adventure. ¬†I just might be headed off on another Adventure right now. ¬†You’ll have to come back tonight to see! ūüôā

Happy Sunday friends!  Plans?  Adventures?  Shenanigans?  Escapades?

Previous Older Entries