Today’s I am proud of myself because: of how open and brave I was that day in the park when I met USB. At that point in my life, I was truly convinced that I was unlovable, romantically speaking. That no one would ever want to be with me. Sure, there were parts of myself that I liked. But I thought that I was just too weird for anyone else to ever like those elements of me. I wanted to meet someone. I was 20 years old, about to start my senior year of college and had never had a serious relationship. I had made out with a few boys. But that was about it. Nothing ever clicked. With USB, everything clicks. I didn’t know it then, but I think a big part of the sadness I have felt over the last three or four years — the constant aching in my chest — was simply because I wanted to share my life with someone. And now I do. And it is even more wonderful than I imagined.
I didn’t do a happy note! It was really hard for me to change, lol. But sometimes change is good, as USB has taught me. 🙂
Just wanted to say hello quickly and hear about your weekends! I haven’t done any full workouts yesterday (Friday) or today. The social time is infinitely more important for my health. I probably walked a few miles both days anyways. I also got in plenty of studying.
Other exciting things:
My first spaghetti squash!
Believe it or not, spaghetti squash has always been a secret fear of mine! I steamed it in the microwave for about 10 minutes (cut in two halves, with the flat side down). At first, I took it out and didn’t see any spaghetti! I freaked out, thinking that I was a spaghetti squash failure. That, or the farmer had simply sold me a different type of squash by accident. But then I noticed about a teaspoon worth of “noodles” and scraped those out. Lo, and behold, the scraping produced more noodles. So I kept scraping and more and more noodles appeared! Slowly, a giant smile crept onto my face. It was great fun. Seriously, if you’re ever super stressed, try scraping the noodles out of a spaghetti squash.
Totally unrelated, but relevant to the blog as a whole: yesterday, I went shopping. Clothes shopping. Clothes shopping is not easy for someone who hates every little part of her body. I went to a bunch of different stores and kept telling myself over and over again, “you will look fat and horrible in that; you should not even try it on.” I was starting to get really down on myself. Eventually, I wound up in a designer jeans section at a discount store. I am NOT a clothes elitist — I don’t have the money to be — but I truly believe that with things like jeans, and dresses, a really nice brand can sometimes look and feel better, making it worth the price. I got into my determined mode and said “Caronae, you are going to try on some jeans and find a pair that you like and you will look beautiful and you will buy them.”
And I did. I found a pair of jeans. They are Seven brand. I have never had a pair of Seven jeans before, but these really are quite nice. I like them a lot, and a tiny part of me thinks I look decent in them.
So there. Take that, jeans.
Time to go find USB! 🙂
What are you all up to this weekend?