Risk Taking Anxiety/Vulnerability

Today’s Happy Note: Piers.  Who thought these up?  Seriously.  A long platform extending out over the water affording better views and a nice breeze?  I’m all over it.  I love the piers that extend out over the Hudson all along Manhattan’s West Side.

Sorry for disappearing on you last night!  I genuinely wanted to blog (which is why I am apologizing) but didn’t get home until 1:00 AM!  This is veeeerrrrryyyyy late for me for a weeknight when I have work/school the next day.  I pretty much collapsed into bed and had to supplement with a nap after work. 🙂

Mental Health Note: I am really glad I went out.  I am NOT a bar/club/crazy party girl at all but I do deserve to have a little bit of fun (whatever that might entail) once in a while.  I saw a movie, then went to a restaurant/dancing.  It was the best evening I have had in a long time and I am so very happy I went for it.  This may sound like a typical weekend night for most of you, but my anxiety does not often allow me to do that sort of thing.  It’s days like this when I know how much therapy with L has affected me.  It is really exciting to watch (and feel) myself growing emotionally and socially.  Letting myself have fun and letting people into my life has been such a rewarding experience thus far.  I am looking forward to a lot more of that in the next few years.  So, going out last night was a “risk” of sorts for me — I made myself vulnerable — but it turned out beautifully.  Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith with something or someone and sometimes you have to hold your heart in your hands and let someone else touch it and sometimes it pays off.

That’s all I’m saying for now.

What “risk” have you taken lately? I don’t care if you think it sounds silly!  Everyone’s experiences are different — people have varied anxieties and likes and hurts and dreams and fears.

Marathon Training: I did indeed get my 12 miles in bright and early yesterday morning!  I felt surprisingly good, although I was a little bored.  I love the way running makes me feel, but even the most dedicated, passionate runner will admit that once in a while, it gets boring.  I tend not to get bored on trails, but doing laps around CP is, well…not the most scenic thing in the world.  I never listen to music while running — just a personal preference.  I like that it gives me time to think though.  I did 4 miles with 5×100 strides thrown in tonight plus 40 minutes full body strength training.

Today’s Eats (I think this is everything, minus two spoonfuls of Mighty Maple PB and a few more cashews than are pictured):

That’s oatmeal with vanilla soymilk, a wee bit of vanilla protein powder, and sunbutter in the first picture.  Skinny vanilla latte in the second.

TJ’s cashew/dried hibiscus trail mix.  LOVE, by the way.

I ate a little over half of this smoothie and froze the rest.  Score one for intuitive eating!

I went in and added chocolate PB and honey to the yogurt to make it a little more filling/dessert-like.

Another day of deliciously healthy eats.  I typically find that I have several days in any given week where I am unintentionally vegetarian/vegan.  I am fine with that.  I like my meat and my dairy just fine and have no intention of giving them up.  But I also enjoy non-animal protein sources too.  A lot of times I am just plain old too lazy to cook meat.  I want to get some deli turkey, although I am afraid that might be ethically questionable….

I feel like tomorrow shall be a good day!

And just realized school starts in two weeks.  Crap.  I don’t want to go to class.

Any other students about to start?  Looking forward to it?  If so, why, might I ask?

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Aug 25, 2010 @ 23:23:57

    Yay! Sounds like you had an aweseome time, and I’m really glad that you are reaping the benefits of therapy. It gives me hope that perhaps I will gain confidence if I return to it (which I intend to, as college has a free service…I think). Weirdly enough, whilst your risk taking involves saying yes and going out, my major risk for the week involved saying no to a trip with people I consider to be rather toxic friends. But the reward, an even better day out with my brother made it well worth the risk….definitely need to take more risks!

    And yes, I am now officially enrolled after yesterday and will start college on September 6th!

    May tomorrow (or today, as I write this) be a good day 🙂

    Sarah x


  2. ~Jessica Zara~
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 05:11:15

    I share your anxieties about going out, particularly in the evening. I’m usually so burnt out from the day that the thought of being sociable is utterly draining. I think it’s great that you challenged yourself and had a wonderful time: so brilliant when things like that turn out well 🙂

    I haven’t been risk taking that much recently I am ashamed to say, although my recent meet-up pushed me way out of my comfort zone. Sometimes just stepping outside the front door seems like a risk to me!

    I am starting my PhD as we speak, though I don’t formally go back until the end of September. I am not exactly looking forward to it but it’ll be nice to have some focus to the day again…I suppose! It’s not so much resentment of the course but terror that I’m not intelligent enough to cope with the work!

    I’ve stopped listening to music when I run…I used to, but it makes me lazy/cruise too much and not focus enough on the ‘point’ of the run (i.e slow recovery, tempo, etc.)



  3. Joanne
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 06:33:05

    Girl I am so proud of you it’s insane. I frequently have anxieties about going out but I usually force myself to go anyway. Especially since I also get anxious about seeming antisocial. It’s basically a battle of the anxieties. I’m also incredibly glad you had a good time! Dancing is SO MUCH FUN. I also want to hear about this mystery person who you let into your life…


  4. Christine @ Grub, Sweat and Cheers
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 09:58:10

    Oh what a great night out – good for you. Sounds like a blast!

    I’m trying to think of a risk I’ve taken and can’t…isn’t that sad? I did fly recently though and that is my biggest fear so I guess that’s something…

    and 12 miles…wow…nice. I have found music makes the world of difference to me, somehow makes the runs shorter/easier.

    I wish I was in school…something about last summer that always makes me long to be on a campus…buy supplies. Lucky you!


  5. Darya
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 10:31:44

    Why don’t you want to go to school? I am so excited for class!


    • caronae
      Aug 26, 2010 @ 10:39:20

      Well I want to and I don’t want to. I would be pretty excited about going to class too if I were GETTING PAID to do it like you are. 🙂


  6. janetha g.
    Aug 26, 2010 @ 11:42:22

    i sometimes have unintentional veg days too, and don’t mind it a bit! mmm.. mighty mapes. yum. i think i need to go have a spoonful. i love your happy note! so random but so true!


  7. actorsdiet
    Aug 27, 2010 @ 00:41:59

    TJ’s makes such great trail mixes – it’s been a while since i’ve picked up a pack!


  8. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine
    Aug 27, 2010 @ 06:48:29

    YAY for fun nights out!! NYC is the best place in the world to go out in, so I’m glad you’re taking advantage of it 🙂 I start school in two weeks too…eek!! Kind of excited to be back in the city though. I come back on Sunday by the way, if you’d want to meet up sometime next week?!


  9. Anne@ Food Loving Polar Bear
    Aug 27, 2010 @ 12:50:26

    Yay for fun nights out! 🙂


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