Revelation: Balance

Today’s Happy Note: Discovering wood sculptures along the river during my morning run!  There were quite a lot of them, made from tree stumps and driftwood; they were really artistic.  I wonder who did them?

I was proud of myself for getting  up to run this morning.  The humidity was practically deadly and my legs were tired from yesterday’s workout (hello squats and lunges!) but I made it through 4.5 miles.  I also walked about 4.5 miles throughout the day.  So I ended up getting in 9 miles without even trying to! Weird.

Work was productive at both jobs.  Busy busy busy day (although I did get a break from 3-5).  I’m now watching Bethenny Getting Married (aka the best reality TV show ever).

I had a revelation on the way home from work this evening.  I have been feeling a lot of anxiety about the weight loss; I have gained and lost the same 10 or 15 pounds several times in the last three or four years, each time ending up weighing a little more than when I started.    Every time I would weigh myself and see a number close to the overweight range, I would freak out and go into “extreme thinking” mode for a few days — I would not eat anything at all, then eat a big meal, then starve myself the next day.

On my walk home, there was a beautiful cool breeze blowing into my face.  I relaxed and loosened up for a moment. And I said to myself: this time it is not about starving myself or having rules.  It’s about finding the balance.  For the first time in my life, I am approaching weight loss (however minimal) in a balanced way. It’s about finding real, healthful, satisfying foods that nurture my body and my soul.   I have never thought of weight loss like this before.  Certainly I have had a good grasp of healthy eating, but I have always reverted back to restrictive habits and destructive rules.  And you know what?  It has never worked.

So here I am.  Twenty years old.  Having a little breakthrough.

Enough of that.  Onto my balanced eats from today!

Banana-berry smoothie made with vanilla hemp/whey protein, soy milk/kefir, and topped with flax AB.

Salad the size of my head with greens, sprouts, cucumbers, eggplant, and leftover meatballs.  Diet peach iced tea snapple.

Farmer’s market bounty!

Kinda random afternoon snack, but it was exactly what I wanted.  Half of a cream cheese chocolate chip bread with PB and chocolate AB.  Hey, at least there were some serious healthy fats going on.  I also had a few tiny handfuls of trail mix.

Evening snack (I don’t get home from second job until almost nine so I always pack two or three snacks):

Best.  Flavor.  Ever.  I’m not a huge Larabar lover but these new flavors are awesome.  Peanut butter+chocolate is obviously the best flavor combo ever, as we all know.

I was hangry for dinner!  Good thing I knew exactly what I wanted. 🙂

Greens, cukes, eggs, salt, iced tea.

Can’t forget dessert!

Chocolate-peanut-caramel protein powder blender with a cup of vanilla soy milk, xantham gum, and an entire tray of ice cubes.  Topped with Lindt dark chocolate.  This was really good.  I love the volume factor!

Another day of delicious, clean eating.  I know that I don’t need to deprive myself or get so anxious over the weight.  I am doing just fine.  Not to mention the fact that who I am on the inside hasn’t changed at all.  I’m still my same self: writer, believer, dreamer, dancer, runner, yogini, lover, friend, woman.  Thanks so much to all of you who have pointed this out over the last few weeks while I have struggled over my body image.  You are all such wonderful friends!

Goodnight and happy Friday to you all!

Edited to add: just had some more chocolate and a glass of soy milk.  I think it was actual hunger and my 9 miles just caught up to me.  I feel more satisfied now and I know I don’t want anything else!  Time to close the kitchen. 🙂

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Jul 30, 2010 @ 01:56:33

    I am really enjoying reading about your recent revelations, and you are a brilliant example to so many people, in a world where bad dieting/body image is rife. You should write a book about it 😉

    Love the sound of those wood sculptures – I would love to have a go at making a wood sculpture as it’s on my list of future artistic projects to try!

    Sarah x


    Jul 30, 2010 @ 10:49:00

    sometimes random snacks are the best snacks!! and in this case, its so true!! YUMMY ❤

    wow 9 miles without much effort, that fantastic!!



  3. kaztronomic
    Jul 31, 2010 @ 02:11:26

    I’m so happy you were able to reach a place in your life where you’re comfortable treating your body with kindness. That’s wonderful!

    I MUST find that peanut butter chocolate chip Larabar. Yum!


    Jul 31, 2010 @ 09:35:35

    btw just wanted to add that if u do it balanced you will never fail. sometimes it takes longer and sometimes its actually faster that way.. but its fail-proof no less.

    im addicted to bethenny getting married, i never thought id like that lady lol, but she’s quite an awesome woman- funny, witty, smart, and charmin hehe

    have a great weekend ❤


  5. Vicky @ eat live spin
    Jul 31, 2010 @ 19:15:36

    Where were you running?? I am happy you had a breakthrough! I love when that happens.


  6. Michal
    Aug 01, 2010 @ 18:55:41

    Yay for balance and revelations! Im so curious about those wooden sculptures, I would love to see them! 🙂 And im so jealous that you got to try one of the new larabar flavors, you lucky duck.


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