Therapy Monday

Today’s Happy Note: Awesome, but exhausting, therapy session today.  It was one of those days where I felt like I had a breakthrough, which was nice.

Exercise: 30 minutes of strength-training (mostly arms, a little bit of leg stuff too) followed by 3 miles on the treadmill, as follows:

2x through this:

-5 minutes at 6 mph

-5 minutes (1 min @ 8, 1 min @ 6, 1 min @8, 1 min @ 6, 1min @ 8)

-5 minutes at 5.6-6 mph

I was going to do a few more of the speed intervals (I did a total of six through the whole workout) but my legs were a bit tired from the lifting so I didn’t  push it.  This was actually really exhausting!  I am not good at going fast in general, so maybe that’s why.  I was drenched at quite red afterwards.  I love getting in an hour workout where I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot.

Eats (not everything):

Breakfast: maple oatmeal with honey pb, side of grapes.  Normally I would feel really uncomfortable eating a breakfast like this because I perceive it as too carby.  While I love carbohydrates, they are a fear food for me when there are too many; I never eat grains or bread or anything like that with dinner, unless I am having a pasta dish, which happens about once every month or two.  Sophia left me a comment about my dinner yesterday saying that it needed carbs.  I don’t think I actually wanted/needed any right then, but I realized that  I do have an irrational fear of them!  This breakfast was exactly what I was craving, and I was NOT going to deny it to myself because it had oats and grapes (gasp!).

The obligatory post-therapy froyo.  The topping is chocolate covered pommegranate.  I adore these things!  They have it at this bubble tea place down the street from me and they go perfectly with the creamy froyo.  My other favorite topping is peanut m and m’s.  What are yours?

Dinner was one of my favorite weeknight meals.  Egg scramble with cheddar, green peppers, and mushrooms, with a romaines, spinach, cucumber, and Annie’s Goddess dressing side salad.  Well, it wan’t really a side salad because it was quite massive.  Most of my veggie dishes are.  I actually really like vegetables.  There are so many fun ways to prepare or cook them!

Therapy Monday:

I’m actually not going to do a whole long exposition on today’s session because, for the first time ever, really, I feel like it was too painful and personal to share on the blog.  But I do have a few general conclusions and observations about methods that I will happily share!

1. Sometimes I need to calm down: first of all, one semi-unproductive weekend is not a horrible thing, and I don’t need to get all tensed up about every little moment that does not go as planned.  I was actually freaking out/crying so much at one point today that my therapist had to remind me to breathe.  So, I want to make calmness a mindful goal.  It’s something that my yoga practice has helped with quite a bit, but I want to figure out how to incorporate it into my daily life more.  I often find myself with my hands clenched and my shoulders tightened, like I am ready for a fight or something.  Sometimes I need to just breathe.

2. I am not a social failure. I am not undeserving or friends, companions, boyfriends, or close relationships in general.  I do not need (or want) to hide in my room; my little cave.  We actually talked a lot about my room, which simultaneously represents a sort of loneliness and a sort of comfort to me.  I find it very hard to separate the two sometimes.  It’s something I am thinking about a lot.

3. There is no reason to hate myself.

So those were my take-away lessons.  A few notes on the process:

1. My therapist was unbelievably gentle with me today.  She is always considerate, but sometimes makes me think really hard about something or reconsider a painful idea in a way that hurts.  That was not the case today and I am so deeply grateful for that.  It is rare to have a person in your life who listens to you, never judges what you say, and offers insightful thoughts or advice.  Granted, she is trained to do this, but I have never had another psychologist who was this good at it.  I have a close friend from high school who I felt like this with — I think these people are just genuinely unusual individuals.  With that said, I want to seek out more friends and individuals like this.  The ability to listen is a truly beautiful characteristic in a person.

2. The actual room in which I see her has become an immensely safe physical and emotional space for me.  I felt like I opened up on a whole new level today, and I think that I was largely able to do that because I feel safe with her.  This seems obvious, but it is really quite subtle.   I value this space/place tremendously.  I don’t know what I would do without my hour with her every Monday.  I have so many thoughts that need to be sorted out; sometimes sad, angry, scary, or unhappy thoughts.  Sometimes joyful,fresh, fun, or exciting thoughts.  Regardless, she is always there, and that room is always there.  This is comforting, and I have not felt comforted in a long, long time.

Off to study!  I hope your week is off to a spectacular start!


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Apr 20, 2010 @ 02:01:46

    That’s really interesting what you say about your room representing loneliness and comfort simultaneously, because that perfectly encapsulates how I felt about my room throughout university life, when I considered myself the ultimate social failure.

    You come across as so friendly, likeable and interesting on here, and I just love the way you are always seeking a deeper understanding of yourself.

    Sarah x


    Apr 20, 2010 @ 02:03:31

    So glad you have that safe place to open up and share your innermost “stuff”.
    It is a gift to find somewhere/someone like that.
    Love Jennifer xx


  3. Joanne
    Apr 20, 2010 @ 06:04:04

    It sounds like you had a really productive Monday! I’m so glad you are making some serious breakthoughs. It’s amazing how much just having someone LISTEN to you can help.

    You should never forget that you deserve happiness and friendship and love. You are such a sweet and amazing person. Seriously. Never settle.

    My room is also a place of comfort and of loneliness as well. It’s my safe zone and sometimes I definitely need to push myself out of it more. Sigh. Something to work on.


  4. Christine @ Grub, Sweat and Cheers
    Apr 20, 2010 @ 11:47:44

    Your therapist sounds like a wonderfully understanding and intuitive woman. Glad she is helping you realise such remarkable things about yourself.


  5. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine
    Apr 20, 2010 @ 12:21:08

    Glad to hear your appointment went well. My last therapist was a wonderful woman, but sometimes prodded me a bit too hard, which always made it really hard to go back. It’s awesome that you’ve found a space you feel safe in 🙂

    Favorite froyo topping is definitely SPRINKLES. I can’t remember the last time I had it without them!!


  6. Kate
    Apr 20, 2010 @ 13:57:53

    hm, i never thought about associating feelings to an actual space. i usually just stick to association with food 😉 interesting.

    my fav fro topping is peanut butter cups. yum!


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