Dear Sleep: I Miss You.

Today’s Happy Note: Went to a fun poetry/art event tonight with a friend I haven’t seen in a while (hi Joy!!!!).

Okay, no proper post tonight because Caronae is CRANKY.

Why am I cranky?

Because I. Can’t. Sleep.


I have tried everything: tea, yoga, stretching, disconnecting from technology, melatonin, magnesium, relaxation techniques, meditation, very active daytime, quiet environment.  I repeat: EVERYTHING.

I have reached a point of tremendous frustration and have resorted to a prescription.  I want to be honest with you guys here since this is my blog about all aspects of health and this is an extraordinarily frustrating (health) situation for me.  I don’t understand why I can take care of myself in so many ways — I run, I walk, I do yoga, I lift weights, I savor my veggies and fruits, I do positive self-talk — and still have this one major issue going on.  It has gotten much worse this semester.  And not sleeping affects everything else in my life: I can’t concentrate in class or at work, I can’t eat at the right times or get my workouts in (although usually I force myself to anyways which ends up exhausting me even more), I don’t spend as much time on homework or with friends as I’d like.  All because I waste hours everyday trying to fall asleep or being asleep when I don’t need to be (i.e. the middle of the day).

I have tried getting on a regular “schedule”, but my life is so varied that this doesn’t work; the minute I have to stay up late studying until two AM one night, everything is thrown off for weeks.  This is not reasonable.  This is not normal.  I have a serious sleep problem. Insomnia, but also something else, I suspect.

I saw a psychiatrist a few days ago to figure out what we can do in terms of medication.  I now have a sedative and another anti-depressant that works as a sleep aid.  I have been taking this second medication, we’ll call it T for about three days now and I feel absolutely bizarre.  I feel hungover all day and downright drunken when I wake up.  This afternoon I was so exhausted that I had to take a three hour nap instead of running and when I woke up, I stumbled around my room and fell into my door and hit my head.  Not cool, T, not cool.  I then proceeded to lose my phone in my 150 square foot room.  Later on, I found it.  Sitting in the center of my desk.

In sum, I feel at an impasse.  I don’t really know what to do.  I’ll probably stay up all night tonight since I slept this afternoon and I won’t be able to fall asleep unless I take the sedative and if I do that then I won’t be able to wake up for my morning classes.

I won’t lie, I’m angry.

Dear Body, I work so hard to take care of you.  Why won’t you let me sleep?  Love, Caronae.

Suggestions?  Sympathy?  Random things to distract me?

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 01:23:48

    Eek! This doesn’t sound nice ….not being able to sleep is one of the worst things ever, and all the more annoying by the fact that you take such good care of yourself. I’m sure this will get sorted Caronae…could it be the result of some underlying stress? Have you been to see a regular doctor as well as the psych?

    I wish I could help somehow, or donate some of my sleep to you!

    Sarah x


    • caronae
      Apr 01, 2010 @ 01:29:26

      that’s so sweet of you 🙂 i wish sleep was donateable. I have seen a regular doctor too; I’ll talk to my therapist about it also.


  2. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga)
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 04:32:43

    caronae so sorry you are going thru this, i am about to fall over with exhaustion so this is short. xoxo


  3. anonymous
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 07:48:35

    I went through a similar thing about this time last year. Its incredibly frustrating, I know. You try to study for hours but can’t seem to remember a single thing the next day. If you have the meds to help keep taking them. I never felt like myself on them and hated them but they helped me get back on track eventually. I was only on my sleeping pill for a few weeks (after I was done the first day or two it was hard to sleep without it but was back to normal in no time). The anti-depressant I was only on for about a month. You just need enough to help your body get back into a routine and get healthy. Although if its causing that much trouble I would talk to the doc about it, there are a lot of options for medication out there. You can find whats best for you. In the mean time try your best to stay positive and keep pushing through.


  4. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 11:26:38

    I’ve dealt with insomnia every few months since I was 16….we’re talking 0 hours of sleep insomnia for a week. It sucks, I know. I’d say play around with the sleep medication, as much as they suck to take it’s the only thing that ever really works for me on a consistent basis! Just try to find one that makes you feel okay 🙂


  5. janetha
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 17:41:21

    ugh. insomnia?! i have had that. i took ambien. sometimes self medicating works.. ha. but yeah, i am sorry!


  6. Marina
    Apr 01, 2010 @ 19:54:30

    I take OTC sleeping pills nearly every night. Not good I know, but it’s better than not sleeping! And in NYC it’s HARD to sleep… also apartment living makes it difficult too! Not to mention stress! So I can definitely relate!!


  7. Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo)
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 01:20:25

    Ugh, that’s awful! I’m glad you pointed me over here. My post was really geared toward “normal” sleepers who just have poor sleep hygiene. You really are dealing with a disabling problem. I wish that doctors understood sleep disturbances more and were more likely to really delve into all aspects and not just write an Rx. Though sometimes I know that it’s important to just take the pills and get the rest. Keep us posted!


  8. Joy
    Apr 02, 2010 @ 14:16:03

    Hi Caronae!

    It was fun going to art of healing with you tonight. We don’t get to hang out enough!

    I’m glad you found your phone. I’m sorry you can’t sleep, that’s the worst. Hopefully you get the issue resolved soon.


    -Joy A.


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