Today’s Happy Note: Went to a fun poetry/art event tonight with a friend I haven’t seen in a while (hi Joy!!!!).
Okay, no proper post tonight because Caronae is CRANKY.
Why am I cranky?
Because I. Can’t. Sleep.
I have tried everything: tea, yoga, stretching, disconnecting from technology, melatonin, magnesium, relaxation techniques, meditation, very active daytime, quiet environment. I repeat: EVERYTHING.
I have reached a point of tremendous frustration and have resorted to a prescription. I want to be honest with you guys here since this is my blog about all aspects of health and this is an extraordinarily frustrating (health) situation for me. I don’t understand why I can take care of myself in so many ways — I run, I walk, I do yoga, I lift weights, I savor my veggies and fruits, I do positive self-talk — and still have this one major issue going on. It has gotten much worse this semester. And not sleeping affects everything else in my life: I can’t concentrate in class or at work, I can’t eat at the right times or get my workouts in (although usually I force myself to anyways which ends up exhausting me even more), I don’t spend as much time on homework or with friends as I’d like. All because I waste hours everyday trying to fall asleep or being asleep when I don’t need to be (i.e. the middle of the day).
I have tried getting on a regular “schedule”, but my life is so varied that this doesn’t work; the minute I have to stay up late studying until two AM one night, everything is thrown off for weeks. This is not reasonable. This is not normal. I have a serious sleep problem. Insomnia, but also something else, I suspect.
I saw a psychiatrist a few days ago to figure out what we can do in terms of medication. I now have a sedative and another anti-depressant that works as a sleep aid. I have been taking this second medication, we’ll call it T for about three days now and I feel absolutely bizarre. I feel hungover all day and downright drunken when I wake up. This afternoon I was so exhausted that I had to take a three hour nap instead of running and when I woke up, I stumbled around my room and fell into my door and hit my head. Not cool, T, not cool. I then proceeded to lose my phone in my 150 square foot room. Later on, I found it. Sitting in the center of my desk.
In sum, I feel at an impasse. I don’t really know what to do. I’ll probably stay up all night tonight since I slept this afternoon and I won’t be able to fall asleep unless I take the sedative and if I do that then I won’t be able to wake up for my morning classes.
I won’t lie, I’m angry.
Dear Body, I work so hard to take care of you. Why won’t you let me sleep? Love, Caronae.
Suggestions? Sympathy? Random things to distract me?