Knowing Me

Today’s Mini Goal: Drink enough water.  Make sure I’m eating when I’m hungry, not actually thirsty.

I won’t lie, I wasn’t the most productive today.  I hardly did nay school work or errands, but I did have a pretty good time, so I guess that counts for something.  Normally I’m really type-A and rushing to do a million things and make everyone in my life happy, so sometimes it’s nice to have a day where I’m purposely lazy.  It reminds me that it’s okay to relax sometimes.

I did get my long run in.  I did twelve miles, I’m guessing at about a 10:30 pace.  It was kind of blech.  I felt decent, but never got into a good rhythm, and I my stomach was bothering me a bit.  But I got it done, and sometimes, with long runs, that’s the most important thing.

I munched on this beautiful creation before heading out:

Dried mango with pb and chocolate chips.  Chocolate chips are addicting.  I’ve had waaaayyyy more than necessary today.  I tend to eat a lot when I’m running a lot, and I’ve found one strategy that seems to work well: I give myself freedom to eat a ton of food (within limits, of course) the day before and the day of a long run, but then I rein it in the rest of the week.  It seems to be keeping my appetite in check.  That’s one thing that’s so weird about running: you’d think that running so much would make you super skinny, but really, it just makes you super hungry.

I went out for a friend’s birthday tonight to a fun restaurant in the East Village called Yuca.  We walked around quite a bit, and the East Village is really hopping.  There were tons of awesome looking restaurants, cafes, bars, stores, theaters.  I’d definitely like to explore it a bit more.

This place had a nice atmosphere and an interesting menu.  It was pretty expensive though.  I had a really tasty hamburger and yuca fries.  I was imagining that the yuca fries would be like most fries in blogland are: root vegetables cut into the shape of a fry and then roasted.  But alas, no.  These were some seriously tiny pieces of yuca that were hiding under plenty of breading and grease.  They weren’t that good at all,but I was hungry so I ate a lot.  I wanted to get veggies instead, but the waitress wouldn’t let me make any substitutions.  Grrr.

I avoided the top bun and part of the bottom.  I really just wanted the meat.  My friends were all like “did you seriously just eat all that meat?!?!?!”  Yes.  Yes I did.  I like red meat, especially after a long run.  This was probably about two servings worth.  It’s funny, my friends perceive me as the weird healthy one, but they don’t really know what that means — they think it means I don’t eat any fat or sugar or meat, or that I only eat organic stuff.  I’ve tried to explain my diet to them, but to no avail.  Oh well.

I really enjoy going out sometimes and I relish the social interaction, but I can’t handle too much at once.  This seemed to be a good amount.  Afterwards I was talking with a friend who I’m well-acquainted with but not close too, and we had the most wonderful conversation.  It turns out we have inhabited a lot of the same unhealthy mental places, and we both seem to thrive on looking into ourselves and asking where we’ve come from.  Not only did he really open up to me (and vice versa) about his childhood, his habits, his likes, but he also let me into his thought processes and told me how he functions to stay sane.  We agreed that a lot of the people in our lives aren’t (yet) “whole” and don’t have the range of emotion that we do, or at least they don’t feel comfortable expressing it.  I have always been an emotional creature.  This has allowed me to experience tremendous pain, but I believe that it also makes the world a more beautiful place for me.  I don’t think I would write well or enjoy writing if I didn’t feel things as much as I do.  Whether it’s ecstasy or revulsion or blinding sadness, I will feel it very very deeply, almost physically sometimes.  By talking to this guy about myself and listening to him talk about himself, I realized just how much I need people in my life who operate on a similarly deep emotional level.

I guess that’s all good to know about myself.  I actually really like learning about me.  I find it useful and fun.  When I hated me, I didn’t want to know me.  But now that, at the very least, I accept myself, it has been a very satisfying journey to begin learning myself.

What’s one important thing you know about yourself?

I, for one, know that I need a few close and intimate friendships and not a ton of more acquaintance-like friendships.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. EE
    Feb 13, 2010 @ 23:27:51

    Good for you on your run and ever-intelligent self-discovery, C!

    I know I need to be in a position where I can “run things” (I mean that in an “I love leadership” sense, not an “I am a despot” sense) and have the chance to mentor.

    I’ve yet to have yuca. That is fun to say out loud.


  2. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce
    Feb 13, 2010 @ 23:55:26

    sounds like a great conversation, i hope you stay in touch with that guy, he could become a lifetime friend! it’s always nice when you find someone you feel comfortable with and can open up to. it is good to have lazy days every once in a while, give yourself a break from the type A pace you normally maintain! ive learned a LOT about myself in the past year. i’ve found that i am strong but also very emotionally sensitive, and i need to allow myself to feel my feelings!


  3. Maggie
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 00:08:12

    People don’t really understand what being healthy is. A lot of people think it’s “healthy” to eat lots of fat free sugar free diet food. Sillies.

    I find that when i do a lot of cardio (like the intenSati stuff I was doing) I actually gain weight. So I avoid it 😀 I hate having that super hungry feeling. I usually just try to fit in walking or yoga and then my appetite stays pretty normal and my weight doesn’t move either.


  4. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga)
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 00:44:04

    Dried mango with pb and chocolate chips = genius!!!!!!!!!! OMG i am all over that!

    “I, for one, know that I need a few close and intimate friendships and not a ton of more acquaintance-like friendships.”–
    I am the same way and unfortunately right now at this phase in my life, it’s reverse of the way I want it. Tons of acqutaint type superficial baloney which doesnt last. Sigh. I hear ya girl. True friends are hard to find!


  5. Sarah
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 03:26:17

    I can really relate to wanting to interact with people who know themselves and their emotions at a deeper level. Recovery required me to look deep within myself and ask lots of meaningful questions, consequently I feel like I relate better now to people who have been through a similar process of self discovery and exploration, whereas my oldest friends seem less willing to venture into such territory.

    Sarah x


  6. theemptynutjar
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 08:04:15

    Happy Valentines Day.


  7. Gabriela (froyolover)
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 10:14:55

    Hey, Caronae!
    First, Happy Valentine´s Day!
    And thank you so much for your comment on my blog!
    It means the world to me 🙂
    Loved your eats!
    I don´t really like red meat, but I´m sure that, if it´s something you like, you should have in once in a while. It was worth it, right?
    And about an important thing I know about myself…
    Well, I know that, deep down, I´m extremely sensitive.
    I just hate to show it to everyone else :/
    What can I do? Living and learning 🙂
    Have a great day!
    Brazilian Kisses,


  8. Kate
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 17:20:01

    your mango snack sound really good!

    thanks for stopping by my blog! i love finding new blogs to read and this looks like a great one 🙂


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