Glass Bottles And Self Love

Today’s Mini Goal: Get started on summer internship/job applications and make an appointment with my school’s career center.

Still pretty tired today.  I wanted to run after work but came back to my room and passed out.  When I woke up, I thought I’d do the shred and a bit of yoga, but I felt really queasy upon standing up, which was weird because I hadn’t eaten for five hours.  I had two slices of toast in the morning, a small loaf of pumpkin bread for lunch, and nothing else yet.  For some reason my stomach just does not seem to want to digest anything just yet.  Le sigh.  I might try some apple slices and an egg tonight. Eggs are easily digestible, right?

For someone who is used to eating regular, fun, healthy meals, eating a few slices of toast a day is very frustrating.  I want some meat or some yogurt or fruit or carrots. But every time I eat anything, I immediately feel sick and weak afterwards.  This is kind of paradoxical, right?  Shouldn’t I feel like I’m slowly bouncing back, not like I’m withering?  I guess my system is just telling me to give it some time.

I feel like there is a brick sitting in my tummy still.  Grooosssssss.

Sorry to complain.  Why don’t I tell you about the best part of my day?

Farmer’s Market!

I love returning my empty glass milk bottles every week and getting fresh milk in a new bottle at a discounted price. I think you get a dollar off when you return your bottle.  I find this just adorably old-fashioned, like women with southern accents or thick glasses.  I have this image of my mom and her brothers and sisters carrying a container of glass milk bottles in off the porch after school in 1960.  Haha, who knows if this is actually true, but I like to think this is how simple life was back then…

My loot all together:

Left to right: Mini apple pie, pumpkin bread, sweet potato, eggs, milk.

My hometown is very liberal and eco-conscious and all that, and its farmer’s market goes back to the 1920s.  In fact, there are farmer’s who are there today, in their 80s and 90s, who came as children with their parents back in the 20s and 30s.  Isn’t that incredible?  I have so much respect for farmers.  Anyways, my mom and dad used to take me and my sister on warm Saturdays. I thought it was the greatest thing ever because we never failed to leave with mini pies.  I know that my sister loved cherry, but I can’t remember what I liked.  Maybe blueberry.  If you have never had a mini pie before, I suggest that you correct that ASAP.  Those Saturdays at the market are some of my happiest memories.  I loved everything, from the funky diagonal, cobblestone streets to the checkered cloths covering the farmer’s tables.  Do you guys have any similarly warm memories of time spent with your family as a child?

Jasmine tea leaves are my friend!

I’m so looking forward to having a normal day with normal meals, workouts, studying, work, etc.  It can be exhausting when I’m actually having such busy days, but sitting around all day and just feeling disgusting is really not my thing.  I’m hoping that tomorrow I can get up early to run, eat a nice breakfast, work during the morning, run errands and study in the afternoon, and hang out with friends in the evening.  It’s strange to crave that normalcy because it sounds so mundane, but it really isn’t.

I’m feeling very guilty for not running for two days, but this guilt is coming from a different place than it used to come from.  In the last two or so years, I would often feel so worthless and fat if I missed a workout.  I would tell  myself that I had to skip a meal to compensate or do something else unhealthy like that.  But now, I know that I am healthy enough that missing a few days is fine, and probably good for me given the state of my GI system.  Instead, I’m feeling guilty because I don’t want to be undertrained for my marathon.  In a lot of ways, this is a step forward.  I am definitely not approaching this from a place of self-loathing like I used to, which is very refreshing.  I still need to trust myself more and know that I will definitely be okay for the race, but I am proud of not hating my body just because I didn’t really do anything for two days.  I am probably more active than 98% of people in this country; I need to give myself a break.

Dear Paranoid-About-Not-Running-Self,

You are okay just the way you are.  Taking time off from running when you are sick is a good thing.  Missing a few days will not make you fat nor will it ruin your training plan.  Relax.  Trust yourself.  Calm down.


The Rest of Your Self

If you could write a little note to a part of you, what would it say?


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Erin
    Feb 11, 2010 @ 21:12:08

    Wow, I love your farmer’s market. So much great stuff! It’s also cool to see those glass milk bottles. A farm near here does sell milk but only during the summer (as far as I know, we never go out there during the winter).


  2. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce
    Feb 11, 2010 @ 22:09:40

    that’s such a huge sweet potato, yum! i’d be all over that. sorry you’re still not feeling good, and the queasiness is not cool. hope you feel better soon. love farmers markets, yours sounds very charming!


  3. pen
    Feb 11, 2010 @ 23:13:07

    Wow, that farmers market looks amazing! I wish we had that where I am. I signed up for a CSA, but it gets only a very limited selection of local produce.

    And, as for being undertrained, I had many weeks leading up to my marathon that I just couldn’t get all my runs in. I really don’t think it made a difference! Also, missing a couple workouts is better than ending up overtrained and injured on race day!


  4. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga)
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 01:43:31

    the Jasmine tea leaves look soo beautfiul and i bet the aroma is divine!
    ok re the comment you just left….girl, im 33 and have spent 10 years “building” my kitchen, it doesnt happen overnight and at your age, i owned precisely nothing but shot glasses for vodka. i kid you not.
    you’ll get there, world peace and all 🙂


  5. Jessica
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 02:00:34

    I appreciate your letter to yourself at the end. I have to do that sometimes too. Yes, give yourself some room-you’ll be fine.


  6. Jessica
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 02:05:21

    oh, and i think my note would say,

    Dear me,

    “Maybe there’s nothing really missing.”



  7. Sarah
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 02:38:05

    The Rest of Your Self is right. It’s ok to let your body recover…argh I had a tummy bug last weekend and I hated not being able to eat as I usually would…I’d have been thrilled a year ago, but now I value my energy and enjoyment of food too much 😛

    I hope you’re feeling better soon my dear.

    Look after yourself

    Sarah x


  8. marla (Family Fresh Cooking)
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 14:50:43

    Awww, so sorry to hear you have been ill. Tummy things are awful. At least with a cold you can still do stuff, but not with tummy stuff.

    I used to be a runner….it controlled me. Ran Boston marathon, trained all the time. Thought I would run forever. After running Boston, running stopped agreeing with me. It started hurting too much. It was a tough break-up, but it has worked out for the best. I tend to be really hard on myself too, we all need to find balance in our lives. I love your note to self. Sometimes a little time off makes us soooo much stronger! Love your honesty. Thanks for visiting FFC 🙂 Feel better!


  9. Diana (Soap & Chocolate)
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 16:47:45

    Feel better soon! I admire your dedication to the farmer’s market. I work right at Union Square but I really don’t use the market in the winter at all. 😦 I’m a wimp in the cold I guess!


  10. theemptynutjar
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 22:31:40

    Try not to feel guilty. I have not exercised (beyond a walk ) for 10 months and its neverending….its tough on me so very much. So, appreciate your legs for their simple ability to get u to the bathroom 🙂


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