Today’s Mini Goal: Get started on summer internship/job applications and make an appointment with my school’s career center.
Still pretty tired today. I wanted to run after work but came back to my room and passed out. When I woke up, I thought I’d do the shred and a bit of yoga, but I felt really queasy upon standing up, which was weird because I hadn’t eaten for five hours. I had two slices of toast in the morning, a small loaf of pumpkin bread for lunch, and nothing else yet. For some reason my stomach just does not seem to want to digest anything just yet. Le sigh. I might try some apple slices and an egg tonight. Eggs are easily digestible, right?
For someone who is used to eating regular, fun, healthy meals, eating a few slices of toast a day is very frustrating. I want some meat or some yogurt or fruit or carrots. But every time I eat anything, I immediately feel sick and weak afterwards. This is kind of paradoxical, right? Shouldn’t I feel like I’m slowly bouncing back, not like I’m withering? I guess my system is just telling me to give it some time.
I feel like there is a brick sitting in my tummy still. Grooosssssss.
Sorry to complain. Why don’t I tell you about the best part of my day?
I love returning my empty glass milk bottles every week and getting fresh milk in a new bottle at a discounted price. I think you get a dollar off when you return your bottle. I find this just adorably old-fashioned, like women with southern accents or thick glasses. I have this image of my mom and her brothers and sisters carrying a container of glass milk bottles in off the porch after school in 1960. Haha, who knows if this is actually true, but I like to think this is how simple life was back then…
My loot all together:
Left to right: Mini apple pie, pumpkin bread, sweet potato, eggs, milk.
My hometown is very liberal and eco-conscious and all that, and its farmer’s market goes back to the 1920s. In fact, there are farmer’s who are there today, in their 80s and 90s, who came as children with their parents back in the 20s and 30s. Isn’t that incredible? I have so much respect for farmers. Anyways, my mom and dad used to take me and my sister on warm Saturdays. I thought it was the greatest thing ever because we never failed to leave with mini pies. I know that my sister loved cherry, but I can’t remember what I liked. Maybe blueberry. If you have never had a mini pie before, I suggest that you correct that ASAP. Those Saturdays at the market are some of my happiest memories. I loved everything, from the funky diagonal, cobblestone streets to the checkered cloths covering the farmer’s tables. Do you guys have any similarly warm memories of time spent with your family as a child?
Jasmine tea leaves are my friend!
I’m so looking forward to having a normal day with normal meals, workouts, studying, work, etc. It can be exhausting when I’m actually having such busy days, but sitting around all day and just feeling disgusting is really not my thing. I’m hoping that tomorrow I can get up early to run, eat a nice breakfast, work during the morning, run errands and study in the afternoon, and hang out with friends in the evening. It’s strange to crave that normalcy because it sounds so mundane, but it really isn’t.
I’m feeling very guilty for not running for two days, but this guilt is coming from a different place than it used to come from. In the last two or so years, I would often feel so worthless and fat if I missed a workout. I would tell myself that I had to skip a meal to compensate or do something else unhealthy like that. But now, I know that I am healthy enough that missing a few days is fine, and probably good for me given the state of my GI system. Instead, I’m feeling guilty because I don’t want to be undertrained for my marathon. In a lot of ways, this is a step forward. I am definitely not approaching this from a place of self-loathing like I used to, which is very refreshing. I still need to trust myself more and know that I will definitely be okay for the race, but I am proud of not hating my body just because I didn’t really do anything for two days. I am probably more active than 98% of people in this country; I need to give myself a break.
You are okay just the way you are. Taking time off from running when you are sick is a good thing. Missing a few days will not make you fat nor will it ruin your training plan. Relax. Trust yourself. Calm down.
The Rest of Your Self
If you could write a little note to a part of you, what would it say?