Therapy Mondays!

Today’s Positive Note: I’m honest.  Sometimes to a fault, actually.  I can’t stand lying or witnessing people lie or just general dishonesty.  Although I try not to judge others’ choices.

Today was a rest (ish) day.  I did 30 minutes of yoga and 20 minutes of strength training from Gina’s Intro to Iron Pumping.  I did the shoulders, chest, and triceps workout, with ab moves in between most of her move.  I was seaty and shaky by the end!  Definitely a good, quick strength workout.

I was really proud of myself for making up my own flows for yoga.  I just did it on the mats at the gym (ew), but it still felt like a nice little yoga practice.  I was happy about it.  And I didn’t fall on my face during side crow!

I definitely have to remind myself to do my own thing during yoga pretty often.  I need to focus on what I’m doing and the current moment.  I tend to get very easily wound up.

Eats: nothing interesting except dinner (besides some yummy frozen yogurt in the afternoon…).  A version of yesterday’s open faced sammie, this time with hummus, roasted veggies, and cheddar, a side salad with avocado, and a pile of cottage cheese.  For some reason  I really wanted cottage cheese with dinner, so I went with it.

Broiled cheddar is very yummy, I have discovered.

Anyways, you guys know what today is. Therapy Monday!

I probably cried harder today than I have in months.  I wasn’t even unhappy — I went in intending to tell my therapist about the nice guy I met, and how much fun I let myself have over the weekend.  But somewhere along the road, that got lost.  I almost always end up talking about my family (whom I love more than anything in this world).  We are — how shall I say this — a little bit messed up, I guess?  Apparently, I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.  I think I have probably talked about this with my therapist before, but it didn’t really sink in until today.  It doesn’t matter how close someone is to me — a best friend, a sister, a coworker (fyi, those are purely random examples; I’m not implicating anybody) — they are in charge of their own happiness.  I do not need to ensure that they are happy!  What a novel revelation.  What I do need to ensure is that I am happy.  This seems obvious, but for someone who spent YEARS thinking that unhappiness was meant to be a part of everyday life, it’s a big thing to grasp.  It’s definitely something that I’ve been trying to tackle in small ways: for example, taking myself out for a cookie or calling an old friend or trying a new style of poetry.  It’s a conscious effort, but so far I’m enjoying it 🙂

It was a little bit jarring to go in thinking I was going to be talking about one thing and to go down a slightly more painful road once I got there.  It’s funny how things just sort of come up out of us; sometimes I don’t feel like I have control over what’s going to come out of me in therapy.  For the most part, this is quite a good thing and keeps me on my toes.  This is kind of a really gross analogy, but once during high school when my best friend (who is also a writer) was going through some difficult moments, she wrote a poem in which she realized that everything was suddenly coming out at once, like vomit.  Yeah.  I don’t really know how else to explain it.

But at the same time that everything is spewing out of me, I also feel a very distinct happiness: how joyful that I have had so many experiences and known so many people in my life.  I have a lot of memories.  Not all of them lyrical or soft, but interesting, nonetheless.  I’m not messed up, I just think I have more things to uncover than most people.

I shall leave you guys there for now.

Have a good Tuesday!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fit Chick in the City
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 20:53:40

    I have to tell you that reading your post reminds me of the days when I was in therapy. It was the best/worst of times, but it changed my life. Seriously one of the best things to ever happen to me.

    I’m not running the NYC 1/2, but I am running the More 1/2 in April. Good luck with your training!

    Reply

  2. Stef @ moretolifethanlettuce
    Jan 25, 2010 @ 23:11:19

    sometimes a good cry is what we need! i’m sorry that your family situation is complicated, but i honestly think you’ll be able to make peace with that! being honest is a great quality and broiled cheddar is also great 🙂

    Reply

  3. sophia
    Jan 26, 2010 @ 20:25:29

    Wow, that must have been cathartic. I hope you feel much lighter after that…uh, “vomit”. Hee hee. I’m honest to a fault, too. It’s both a useful thing, and also an abhorrence.

    Reply

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